Why Self-love Matters

I just wish my story will be as incredible as yours…

That’s one of the many comments I received on Facebook several days ago after my status about our 2 years anniversary. While I genuinely thanked each and everyone that commented on their sweet wishes and kind words, my heart aches a little upon reading this particular comment.

Let me tell you why dear friends…

All of us have our own journeys in this life. We all have our own path that we must live. Each life differs than another. That’s how uniquely God has created each and every one of us. Even if you are twins your life will be different despite the similarities, right?

My story…my journey has been full of ups and downs. Although I am now engaged and in a remarkably amazing relationship with a man I truly believe as the one I am destined to be with, we still don’t have it easy. Just like any other relationship, there are things to compromise, things to learn that allow us to grow together as a couple and as individuals.

After being a single mom for over 2 years plus with my track records of unhealthy relationships, it took me a long time – and I am still learning – to be in a healthy relationship. I have to give a big appreciation to D for his unnerving patient dealing with me. He shows me and guides me to be in a healthy relationship. When I thought I have a vision or what a ‘perfect’ relationship looks like based on magazines and online articles, the truth is…I still have a lot to learn.

Why Self-Love Matters

Self-love | Scoops of Joy

The most important relationship we can have is the one with ourselves. Steve Maraboli said it best: “The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.”

Seriously, this is one thing I keep telling all the members of Single Moms Indonesialove yourself first and foremost.

It is so important to start with this whole self-love – and mind you, self-love is not narcissistic! So then why is self-love so crucial? Because, at the end, we are only responsible for our own actions, choices and the outcome and that’s the only thing we can control. We can’t even control our children – we may try, but ultimately we own all our actions and choices.

Also when we love ourselves, we have boundaries. We stick to those boundaries and others will respect them. We will not allow others to treat us in ways that are not acceptable. Again, boundaries it helps us in the long run. We will not fall for the wrong men with the ideas that one day we can fix them because our times are too precious to play saviors for others.

I’ve been there before, desperately trying hard to find love because I thought that love would complete me. That love will finally make me happy. Dating different men will not make me happy. Depending on men to feel validated as a desirable woman? Huge mistake and one that ended up leaving me feeling emptier than before.

I’ve been there before, friends so what I’m writing here comes from my heart and scars left behind by poor choices.

It is no one’s job to make me happy. I owe it to myself to make me happy and it would be so unfair to demand someone to make me happy, right? I recognized this with my first marriage which ended badly, but I needed that to open my eyes up. If it wasn’t for my divorce, I would never come on this journey of self-love, self-discoveries, and growth. Ultimately, I would never meet D, the man that still gives me butterflies every time I see his smile even after 2 years.

My divorce gave me a second chance in life and for that, I thank my ex-husband.

So how can we love ourselves when we don’t have thigh gaps (who invented this trend anyway?! It needs to go away!), we need to lose weights…our boobs are too small (or too big!)? I will love myself once I lose these stubborn weights! I used to think that way too.

Loving ourselves is a conscious decision that we make daily. Yes, there are days where it’s difficult and challenging that’s normal, hey, that’s life!

Therein lie your power…when we love ourselves.

Loving ourselves can start with changing our inner voices. You know, those voices that berated ourselves. The ones that say “Oh, you’re fat!” or “You are not good enough…” when we look at ourselves in the mirror. Try to change that voice.

Starts by saying “I love, honor and accept myself unconditionally…” every day. Try it. I know it may feel awkward at first but once you get used to it, it is actually a beautiful thing.

No matter where we are, no matter what kind of hardship we are facing, be gentle with ourselves. When we feel the love from within us we will feel gratitude and this will radiate outside and the universe will return that to us. I truly believe this. Like attracts like, remember?

So instead of focusing so much on “When will I meet that right guy…” let’s try to shift that to “I’m going to spend this time loving myself fully.

Self-love is not selfish and it starts with “me” so we can build a strong “we”. Think of it as the foundation of a beautiful happy life.

So let’s love us first and foremost, shall we, ladies?

you are beautiful!

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Maureen

Lifestyle and travel blogger, founder of Single Moms Indonesia on a quest of finding joy in everyday life and living life to the fullest with kindness, compassion, grace and a bit of sass.

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30 Comments

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 2:38 pm

      Absolutely agree with you 🙂

  1. Robin Rue (@massholemommy)
    September 28, 2015 / 4:52 pm

    Someone said a long time ago that we can’t love anyone else if we don’t love ourselves. I think there is a lot of truth in that.

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 2:39 pm

      I learned this the hard way in my first marriage 🙂

  2. September 28, 2015 / 6:11 pm

    I love this post- a wonderful reminder to stop and love oneself! This is something that I think most people need to do more often!

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 2:41 pm

      Thank you for your kind words, Jenn. On difficult days, I made myself read this and it pulled me right back in to love.

  3. September 28, 2015 / 7:49 pm

    I totally agree that you can’t really love others fully until you first love yourself. So many people are busy comparing themselves to others and finding themselves lacking, that they don’t stop to count the blessings in their life. We all need a good dose of healthy self-esteem.
    Alli recently posted..5 Fun Fall Crafts You Can Make TodayMy Profile

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 2:45 pm

      Comparison can be the thief of joy if we let it consume our lives isn’t? I love that, a good dose of healthy self-esteem! 🙂 Thank you Alli!

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 2:47 pm

      Thank you Megan. It is so easy to fall into being the biggest bully to ourselves…I am still learning to always be kind to myself 🙂

  4. September 29, 2015 / 3:32 am

    This is a really great topic. There is a lot of emphasis on being better than others, or defining oneself in terms of others’ measure of value or success. It is so important to have a good relationship with self as a foundation for others.
    Jaime Nicole recently posted..Wake Up Your Water with Dasani DropsMy Profile

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 2:48 pm

      Totally agree with you Jaime on having that foundation first. Brilliantly put! Thank you 🙂

  5. September 29, 2015 / 4:14 am

    I love reading your post! You are so right! I have had some friends that choose people in their lives that are very bad for them and it’s hard not to say anything, but the clear reasons I see these women choosing the wrong men in their lives is the fact that they don’t value themselves. You can see it by their actions. To teach self worth to your children, you have to “have” self worth.
    Heather recently posted..Weekend Giveaway Link Up!My Profile

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 2:50 pm

      Thank you for your kind words, Heather. I have seen friends who also follow that same pattern you mentioned, it’s really sad and I wish I could make them see how valuable they are and how much they deserves more. I love that you mentioned our children, it is very important to teach them early on.

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 2:51 pm

      Thank you for your kind words, Eileen 🙂

  6. September 29, 2015 / 5:38 am

    You are so incredibly right that if we want to have a happy life and good relationships, we must start with the relationship we have with ourselves. So glad your journey has ended up where you needed to be–and happily so!
    Amanda recently posted..One Strange Bird: A Mama RetreatMy Profile

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 2:52 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Amanda. I’m still learning too and yes I am so happy to be in the place I am today 🙂 Wishing you well!

  7. Elizabeth O.
    September 29, 2015 / 7:32 am

    Self-love is important, especially for women. It’s similar to self respect and people without self respect normally succumb to a life of abuse, because you’re okay with people treating you with how they want to treat you.

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 2:55 pm

      So agree with you that self love is linked with self respect because if we respect ourselves enough, then we will have boundaries and will not put up with abuse etc. Thank you for your comment, Eliz!

  8. September 29, 2015 / 8:29 am

    So true. One of my most important realizations is that nobody lives a 100% perfect life. Everyone has their own struggles in life, so there’s no point in comparing yourself with everyone else. They might have a better career and a bigger house than you, but you will most likely have something that they don’t have. It’s impossible to have everything.

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 3:14 pm

      Absolutely true, Mia 🙂 With social media, it’s so easy to compare our lives with what people choose to portray online isn’t it? Love your attitude tho!

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 3:30 pm

      Thank you Kira, I wish you well.

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 3:31 pm

      Awww malu kayanya gw kalo disuruh baca postingan lama2 itu bok hahaha. Danke darling!

  9. October 1, 2015 / 4:40 pm

    I’m a firm believer that if you can’t love yourself, you’re not capable of loving anyone else either.

    • Maureen
      Author
      October 19, 2015 / 3:41 pm

      Absolutely! That is the key 😀

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