“I just wish my story will be as incredible as yours…”
That’s one of the many comments I received on Facebook several days ago after my status about our 2 years anniversary. While I genuinely thanked each and everyone that commented for their sweet wishes and kind words, my heart aches a little upon reading this particular comment.
Let me tell you why, dear friends…
All of us have our own journeys in this life. We all have our own path that we must live. Each life differs than another. That’s how uniquely God has created each and every one of us. Even if you are twins your life will be different despite the similarities, right?
My story…my journey has been full of ups and downs. Although I am now engaged and in a remarkably amazing relationship with a man I truly believe as the one I am destined to be with, we still don’t have it easy. Just as any other relationship, there are things to compromise, things to learn that allow us to grow together as a couple and as individuals.
After being a single mom for over 2 years plus with my track records of unhealthy relationships, it took me a long time – and I am still learning – to be in a healthy relationship. I have to give a big appreciation to D for his unnerving patient dealing with me. He shows me and guide me to be in a healthy relationship. When I thought I have a vision or what a ‘perfect’ relationship looks like based on magazines and online articles, truth is…I still have a lot to learn.
Why Self-Love Matters
The most important relationship we can have is the one with ourselves. Steve Maraboli said it best: “The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.”
Seriously, this is one thing I keep telling all the members of Single Moms Indonesia…love yourself first and foremost.
It is so important to start with this whole self-love – and mind you, self-love is not narcissistic! So then why is self-love so crucial? Because, at the end we are only responsible for our own actions, choices and the outcome and that’s the only thing we can control. We can’t even control our children – we may try, but ultimately we own all our actions and choices.
Also when we love ourselves, we have boundaries. We stick to those boundaries and others will respect them. We will not allow others to treat us in ways that are not acceptable. Again, boundaries it helps us in the long run. We will not fall for the wrong men with the ideas that one day we can fix them because our times are too precious to play saviors for others.
I’ve been there before, desperately trying hard to find love because I thought that love would complete me. That love will finally make me happy. Dating different men will not make me happy. Depending on men to feel validated as a desirable woman? Huge mistake and one that ended up leaving me feeling emptier than before.
I’ve been there before, friends so what I’m writing here comes from my heart and scars left behind from poor choices.
It is no one’s job to make me happy. I owe it to myself to make me happy and it would be so unfair to demand someone to make me happy, right? I recognized this with my first marriage which ended badly, but I needed that to opened my eyes up. If it wasn’t for my divorce, I would never come on this journey of self-love, self-discoveries and growth. Ultimately, I would never meet D, the man that still gives me butterflies every time I see his smile even after 2 years.
My divorce gave me a second chance in life and for that, I thank my ex-husband.
So how can we love ourselves when we don’t have thigh gaps (who invented this trend anyway?! It needs to go away!), we need to lose weights…our boobs are too small (or too big!)? I will love myself once I lose these stubborn weights! I used to think that way too.
Loving ourselves is a conscious decision that we make daily. Yes, there are days where it’s difficult and challenging that’s normal, hey, that’s life!
Therein lie your power…when we love ourselves.
Loving ourselves can start with changing our inner voices. You know, those voices that berated ourselves. The ones that say “Oh, you’re fat!” or “You are not good enough…” when we look at ourselves in the mirror. Try to change that voice.
Starts by saying “I love, honor and accept myself unconditionally…” every day. Try it. I know it may feel awkward at first but once you get used to it, it is actually a beautiful thing.
No matter where we are, no matter what kind of hardship we are facing, be gentle with ourselves. When we feel the love from within us we will feel gratitude and this will radiate outside and the universe will return that to us. I truly believe this. Like attracts like, remember?
So instead of focusing so much on “When will I meet that right guy…” let’s try to shift that to “I’m going to spend this time loving myself fully.”
Self-love is not selfish and it start with “me” so we can build a strong “we”. Think of it as the foundation of a beautiful happy life.
So let’s love us first and foremost, shall we, ladies?