Reading it made me cringe, made me want to look away but I can’t. The words slapped me hard and I asked my best friend the inevitable question “Is there any hope left?”
After reading what Eric Anderson, an American sociologist at England’s University of Winchester has to said after his studied 120 undergraduate men and found out 78% of them had cheated in the past. First of all, I’m no scientist or expert but really? Only 120 men and that are strong enough ‘evidence’ to make the headline that Men Need To Cheat? How many of these undergraduate men are married with children? Not much I bet.
Here’s what bothers me the most about the interview with Dr. Anderson:
Humans are largely lousy at controlling our bodies’ desires. We say we don’t want to eat that Snickers bar, but we also really do want to eat it. We eat it, we feel guilty about it, and afterwards we promise ourselves not to eat one again; but we nonetheless do. It is this same phenomenon, only with cheating, that I explore.
First of all comparing cheating to Snickers bar is beyond me! It’s called moral or self control? Conscience? Cheating requires a lot of strategically crafted plans unless of course it’s a one night stand. How different are we human than animals then if we can’t even control ourselves? Or it’s just too obvious that man’s primal instinct is to have sex with whoever they want to?
There are good reasons to lie; it is an essential skill for keeping community and relationship peace. The reason men lie about cheating is mostly because they know that if they ask for permission to have recreational sex: 1) they will be denied 2) after they are denied, they will be subject to scrutiny and increased relationship policing; 3) they will be stigmatized as immoral, and most likely broken up with. Thus, honesty doesn’t meet their desires of having both a long-term partner and recreational sex with others.
Be a man and owned it. If you want to fool around all the time or can’t control the desires to have mind blowing wild sex somewhere else then leave or better yet do not get marry! Save the lie to other women, not to your spouse. It’s disgusting and what hurts the most is actually not so much as the affairs/cheating but the lying, the sneaking around, the double lives these guys acted, pretending to be the devoted husbands, the twisting of facts to clouds their spouse’s judgments so she seems to be hallucinating. The broken vows and commitment. That what hurts the most! Coming clean will make the spouse angry of course, its human nature. When everything that you thought you believe turned out to be filled with lies, it will hurt damn much! But once the panic, the anger subside we would want to know the truth and by coming clean the relationship may have a chance to be salvage. Let’s not even talk about the prospect of bringing some ‘gifts’ home after these sexual adventures? Hello STDs and HIV?! Infidelities hurts a whole damn much and even I still have to fights the demons of what infidelities caused me.
Rather than marrying 20 times or more in one’s life via serial monogamy, we can keep one emotional lover and just have casual, meaningless — and hot — sex with strangers. This gives us the long-term emotional stability we desire psychologically, alongside the hot, carnal sex we desire somatically. It makes much more sense than lying and cheating , or the difficulty of breaking up with a loved one simply because you want someone else’s body for an hour.
WOW. Here are some ideas…don’t get married ever and please please please do not procreate.
Very sad article that is trying to say we are no higher than animals. Even SOME animals are monogamous. Justifying cheating? Maybe, but I really think if you can’t stay committed then don’t fool yourself and your future spouse and safe the heartaches of divorce. Stay single and party till you drop, dude!
This article leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. I’m going to go gargle with some soap water now!