This topic has been talked, written and discussed plenty of times but this time as a mix-marriage ‘graduated’, let me try and present it from a first person perspective since obviously I’ve been there – done that before.
Many people within the community of mix marriages had asked me the same question that I might charge a dollar for every question ask.
“Did you regret moving back to Jakarta?”
Asked me this last year, my bruised and broken heart would quickly jumped and said “You bet your ass I did!”
But now, I had truly come to accept that I had failed. It was just a matter of time really.
So, is mix marriage doomed to head to divorce court if the couples move back to Indonesia? Maybe!
My optimistic side would want to believe that yes those who got it super strong will survive. Yet from my own personal experience – as someone who was in a mix marriage and backed up by years of being around expats in Indonesia and seeing how many of their marriages crumbles, I can say the chance is always there but it depends on many factors.
Sad, I know really sad.
Of course I’ve seen strong marriages survived BUT these marriages are made on strong solid grounds. These temptations winds will hit the husbands just as strong BUT if they are strong they will make it through. If not…then better safe yourself from a meltdown and fix your marriage first and foremost before even contemplating on moving to Asia.
Seriously…only the strong ones survive.
Mine wasn’t strong when I moved here…or to China. Sad part is I thought we had something solid but that was just a one-sided opinion unfortunately.
I had experience both sides of the mix marriage worlds. Being the ‘exotic’ one in the ex’s home country, people give you more attention that’s for sure. Maybe it is the cultural values, the upbringing or something deeper, it was easier to defend myself from temptations. Why? Because people respect you! When I went clubbing for the first time in Houston, Texas, there were so many guys tried to make a move on me in one night. Why? Because I was different there! It sure lifted my ego…to think that these guys are into me. But they all backed down when I said “Sorry, I’m married.” Flashed them my rings and they went their merry ways. So, NO means NO!
But here in Jakarta in general? It’s a different story, my dear.
A guy can have wedding band strap to their neck if they have to and girls would still flirted, grinding, rubbing – you name it. A guy can be so old, beer bellied, fat, and could barely walk… girls would still try to use them. A guy can be such a good husband when he first came here but it is a jungle out there and all bets are off.
Think of it this way, some of these guys are regular guys, a dime a dozen back in their home countries. Here, they stood out. Having girls – be it the bar girls/regular girls – adore these guys will surely kick up their self esteems to heaven, their ego burst bigger than their heads. Just the way mine went up when I was in the States. Some guys will later – sadly – thinks that he is such a hot shot he can get any girl he wants even if he has to pop in bunch of Viagra. This shit happens for real.
Supply and demands…
Sadly, the most basic of economy rules does apply.
Some bar girls hope they’d score a
meal ticket guy who would marry them, take good care of them so they will never have to work for the rest of their lives, to swoop them off to a far away land…even some of the ‘good girls’ who have an office job still have these kinds of hopes. To an extend I can understand their desires to have a better life, hey…who doesn’t want that? But, if to achieve that means you will have to break someone else’s marriage then where is your conscious, darling?
Some blindly pursue expats no matter if he already has a dozen children or grandchildren, shame is no longer an issue.
The fantasy of screwing around with bunch of hot, sexy, tiny itty bitty Asian girls for some guys are just too hard to resist. Some will pay cash; some will splurge for these girls. The ones that got so caught up within the nets will think the girl worship them, thus can’t say no to fulfill whatever their girl asked for and I’ve seen many guys who got so broke from their Indonesian ‘sweethearts’, who abandoned their family (legal wife/children).
It really is went back to supply and demand chains…
For these guys to use the excuse of “Oh, my wife doesn’t understand me…she’s a different person…bla bla bla.” Is so lame, dude! Why don’t you sit down and TALK with your wife and try to work on the marriage? You are putting the blame on the wife of course…why? Because it is much easier to do so.
“How on earth do they communicate? When their English is beyond broken”
“You know sex can only last for so long…after that then what? Play chess?”
“Can those girls understand or add their opinion when the guy talks about his work?”
I might never get the answers my brain seeks when I saw an ‘imbalanced’ couple but hey, maybe that’s what the guys are seeking? A trophy wife/girlfriend that looks pretty and just smile when they are talked to?
So yes, if you are married and thinking of moving here…better make sure your marriage has a really strong damn solid foundation because frankly my dear, strong is just not cutting it.