The grey streaks on the sides of my temples…
There’s one right in the middle, just above my forehead.
I call them my thinking lines as they are right in the bridge between my eyebrows.
The past year has been challenging. Stress from both work and home life may have added additional lines somewhere down my face. Yet I am loving the grey, it adds more character to my look and no, I’m not planning to dye my hair. It is every bit part of my growing, my journey. Wisdom streaks, I’d like to call it.
This body… I have let my fitness fall back to the bottom of my list of priorities. There were months where I was committed and did my workouts and there were also setbacks. Painful setbacks that left me in so much pain both physically and emotionally.
Through this past year, I learned to have a deeper understanding of how my body – especially my back – responds to stress. It went straight to my lower back and as I was dealing with stress from work daily including my commuting routine, I have been in pain pretty much all the time. Exhaustion consumes me as well to the point where that became like my mantra when my partner D asked me how I am doing.
When I look back from when I turned 36 to today, it has been quite a year. New job, new friends, new experiences, blossoming and deepening of friendships. Life has been great for me despite some challenging bits and pieces here and there but hey, that’s called living, right?
One must continuously learn, grow, evolve to be truly living. That much I know. Yes, part of growing is not always fun…it can be hard, it can be full of struggles and tears. Being stuck, being stagnant…that is the easy way out. Resisting changes can feel like the safest way but the Universe has had other plans for me this past year. I’ve been almost forced to grow out of my comfort zone to the point that if I resist the change then things will get even uglier.
So I roll with the punches, I learned to speak up more for me. Putting me first. Setting boundaries and walking away feeling lighter instead of burdened. As a Pisces, I hate confrontations – it is just not in my nature – and I prefer to keep the peace. Well, guess what? I’ve been put to the test to walk into a confrontation without losing my temper or let my emotions take me hostage leaving me in tears unable to speak.
It is not easy…
It is effin hard, really!
But it is growth…it is the change for the better.
I learned to stand my ground no matter what everyone else said or threw at my face. As the one who usually is the peacekeeper, this has been really tough to master. Wait, I still haven’t mastered it! I am a work in progress.
So much more still to learn and unlearn.
From not letting one’s opinion about my writing get me down to winning a blogging contest and opening up new writing opportunities. Life really has a funny sense of humor sometimes.
“It is all part of a grander scheme.”
“It is preparing to catapult you to a better thing.”
That’s what I keep telling myself.
All these tears, these anxieties, these stresses are all ‘growing pains’ that will propel me to become the woman I was born to be. To let me grow into the kind of woman I was destined to be, the partner that will continuously grow with the man I love and the best mother I was meant to be for my son.
Thank God, thank you Universe for each and every breath I am able to draw. For every smile, for every single tear. Gratefulness washes over me every time I think of the greatest love I found with D, for the joyful and free laughter coming out from my 9 year old little man who has been teaching me so much about motherhood, for strangers who turned into friends, for friends who become soul sisters, for baby laughter from my niece and nephew that refills my happiness tank, for parents who support me fully, for opening my path to write more…to follow my passions.
This year will be amazing!
This is 37!