Almost 5 years.
Yes, I have been a single mom for nearly 5 years now. Does it get easier with times? I would love to think so but the truth is you just get stronger and smarter, as in you find what works for you and your children.
There are some things that never change.
People get curious, I get that yet these questions are the most popular that being thrown at us single moms and believe me, we would rather if you don’t ask that like ever.
Let me help you.
Things You Should Never Ask a Single Mom:
- What happened?
Honestly, we would rather not talk about what happened especially if we just met you. There are things that are just too private to discuss with others and please try to respect that. Unless you are our therapist we would rather not talk about what caused the marriage to end.
For me this usually follows with “Where is his father now?” and some variations of that which by the way, I really don’t want to talk about because I am my own person now. I am not my divorce.
- Do you have a boyfriend?
Uhm – again – please don’t ask that. First off, if we do have a great boyfriend we would voluntarily, happily talk about it first at the right time. I don’t go on social events and find strangers to chat up with then say “Hey, I have a boyfriend!” Asking if we are dating or even about how difficult it must be to date with a child when we first met is just…awkward much?
- You should hurry up and get married again and have a baby while you are still young.
Thanks for reminding me of my ticking biological clock…not! Granted, we understand you mean well but really? If anything, single moms are the last person who wants to jump into marriage in a heartbeat.
I get this a lot and I mean a lot. What others seems to not understand is second marriage with a child involves is a lot more complex than first marriage but that’s another topic altogether.
- Do you get child support?
This is very much up there, right next to “How much are you making a month?”
Maybe your intention is well to see if my ex-husband is supporting his own son but really? It is none of your business and I would rather not talk about it.
I usually get the “Is he paying for school? The school here is expensive!” coming from other parents in my son’s school and I must cringe every time I hear this and usually I managed to distract the parents by asking about how their overseas vacations went.
- I am a single mom too sometimes when my husband is out of town and it is so hard. I don’t know how you do it!
Listen, sweety…having a husband who travels a lot for work does not qualify you as single moms. Why? Because you have a husband who is married to you. Yes, you may have to do some parenting on your own while he is out of town. I get that but here’s the deal, you have the emotional support you need from your spouse! You can call, text, Skype him and vented out your rough day with the kids. You have a husband! He is coming home and then you can relax a bit, leaving him to mind the kids while you go get a manicure done. I’m a single mom all the time, your week being ‘single mother’ cannot be compared to my life. So please don’t say that to me.
Unless of course you are a military family where your husband is deployed for months on end then yes, you are a single parent.
Next time you meet single mom/parent please spare them from these typical questions. Just treat us like a normal human being that’s all we ask really. I am not trying to dictate you what to say, just letting you know exactly how it feels like to be on the receiving end of these questions.
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