“Hurry up and get married already, you two!“
“Why are you waiting so long?“
The above are just some of the things I’ve heard people say to me. The questions have been getting somewhat louder after they saw my fiance and me together in town recently.
The Wisdom in Waiting
The truth is we have been together for nearly 4 years now. Yeah, I know right? 4 years is a long time to be in a long distance relationship. Yet here we are still sailing through the distance between us.
Yes, long distance relationship is hard. Heck, a relationship is not easy too, right? But he and I are committed to each other. We plough through the difficult times. We choose this path because we believe that our love is strong enough to weather the storms. And believe me, after nearly 4 years of this, we’ve been through some stormy weathers.
Not being able to just reach the one you love when they are feeling low is challenging, not being able to rest your head on the shoulder of someone who understands you completely is hard. Yet, we continue to choose this path and our relationship gets stronger with each passing time.
Of course, as humans, we have our not so good days where we questioned things, where we – well, me mostly – feeling a bit down and started to need his reassurance that we are indeed on the right path. Yet that’s normal, that’s called living and experiencing life even when sometimes you get impatient.
During my lowest of low, I would find myself wondering why we must wait. Why life brings this amazing wonderful man into my life and leaves us apart?
The truth is, we both rushed into marriage in our previous lives.We both had our own shares of mistakes. Both of our first marriages fell apart quicker than we anticipated. I guess partially that’s why we are taking it in stride and letting life guide us well this time around.
My heart searched for the answers of what can I learn from these waiting periods. It already has the answers all along, I just needed to tune into what it was trying to teach me and welcome the lessons this has to offer.
Perhaps it is teaching us to learn to trust…
Perhaps it is teaching to have faith…
Perhaps it is teaching us to be patience…
For the life we’ve envisioned together requires both our efforts to make it into fruition.
The distance that spans between us allowed me to addressed issues from my past that would have been a huge ticking time bomb should we rushed into marriage life so quickly. Time and distance allowed me to heal that little girl inside of me that was broken a long time ago. As he patiently gives me all of his support and love, I was able to fix myself before we walk down the isle. Time also allows him to get a sense of what it is like to be with someone with a child. Although I may be biased, I could see it with my very own eyes how he makes for a really wonderful step father to my son. The two bonded like I would never imagine possible. To see the joyful look in my son’s eyes whenever the two of them meet is always precious.
And of course, there are that logistical issues between us. Marrying a single mother of one is not just about the big wedding day. We are far more concern about the kind of life we will be able to provide for my son, for us as a new family when the time comes. And that’s what we are focusing on, the life after…making sure all three of us are ready to live as a family of three (then more hopefully!).
There’s definitely plenty of wisdom hidden behind this road we are on. It may not be perfect, it may not be as quickly as others wish us to be but it is OUR journey.