Single Moms in Indonesia
Before you read more about Single Moms Indonesia, let me walk you down the road on why this category is now my main niche in this vast world of the blogosphere.
My marriage ended back in 2010, just two days after my 31st birthday, several months shy of our 5 years anniversary.
I moved out. We did go to counseling for one session but that didn’t work out. Thankfully, I have my parents here, so I moved from what suppose to be our home since March 2010 while maintaining an active blog about a happy mix marriage couple. How sad. I know.
So I took on that role as a single mother since then. It’s definitely not easy especially dealing with the end of my short-lived marriage. Depression pulled me under, I deactivated my personal Facebook, I blog as if nothing happened, I was living a lie. Part of me was in denial, hoping he and I could work things out.
Until I couldn’t take it anymore and I took a one-month hiatus from the online world. In that one month, I learned to accept the fact that yes, my marriage ended but I have a son who depends on me, life goes on.
So picking up the pieces, I bravely ‘announced’ that I was getting a divorce on my blog and the outpouring support still made me cried to this very day. Tears of gratefulness of how people I’ve met online were there to warmly welcome me back. They encourage me that better things are just around the corner…and I hang on to that.
Being a single mom in a country where divorce is still considered a bad thing, almost a taboo is not easy. I’ve had a lot of daily grind with these at first. Society still tends to blame the women and that’s why a lot of Indonesian women doesn’t really talk about their divorce – if they got one. Despite the rising numbers of divorce cases lately, like it or not people still, gossip about us divorced women. It’s like we are wearing a big scarlet letter.
These new realizations made me even more vocal in writing about my own divorce process and the emotional aspects of it. Knowing that there are so many women suffer silently in their unhappy marriages just because they are too ashamed to be labeled as ‘divorcee’ or because they fear they cannot support themselves. Understanding how there is no enforce child support agency like some countries have in Indonesia will probably give you a clearer idea why many women would rather bear it all and stay in their loveless sometimes downright abusive marriage.
What I’m Writing About My Divorce
- The Stigma of being a divorcee in a patriarchy country.
- Things you shouldn’t ask a single mom, something that a lot of people seems to have a hard time NOT saying.
- What infidelities caused me.
- How I learn to fly solo with a child in tow.
Being a part of a support group really helps. A great website IF your marriage is in trouble can be found at The Marriage Builder. The concept is amazing and I’m sure it will work for some people especially if the two couple is still in love. So it really is worth the check.
Going through a divorce caused by infidelities were really tough. I battled the demons for a long time. I held anger, grudges against Mr. X. Of course, I realized that I too had my own share of mistakes in that marriage but to finally understand that his infidelities don’t define who I really am as a person, as a mother, as a woman was liberating.
Being able to connect with some Indonesian single moms has also been a great help to me in my journey to healing. We all understand what we’ve been through. Our stories might be different but our day-to-day struggles are similar, we’ve heard the typical questions and comments that really hurt us but we march on with smiling faces.
I was fortunate to be invited to a book launch written by Indonesian single mothers awhile back and it was one of the most liberating moments of my life. It was the first book ever written about single moms from their own perspectives. Sitting there, listening, crying, cheering with my fellow single mother friends was something so powerful it gave us all hope that one day our country wouldn’t be very judgmental to us, to our children.
Nowadays, I’m in a far better, happier place than I was over 8 years ago. Found myself a job that I love, finding happiness in my journey to be a happy single mom. Life couldn’t be better!
Single Moms Life in Indonesia
There are many more posts here that I’ve written about this journey.
So there you go, that’s a glimpse of my stories…it may be an uphill battle sometimes full of sharp turns and twisted potholed laden road but they are my journey and looking back, I wouldn’t want to change them.
It is my hope that the stories I share here will inspire you in one way or another.
Seeing how little to none online community here in Indonesia to support single mothers, I created a Facebook Page for Single Moms Indonesia. It have a private group you can join. You can check our our blog too. My wish is to provide a safe little corner for us.