Would you like to go to see a movie or get a massage?”
“Can we do both?” he flashed me his big puppy eyes, knowing for sure it has worked it’s charms in the past.
“No, we can only do one this weekend. So…what’s your pick?”
Please pick the massage…please pick the massage…I secretly crossed my fingers as I lowered my backpack on the floor.
“Massage! I haven’t had a massage for a long time.”
“YAY! Yes, let’s do that. We will leave in an hour ok?”
“Ok, Mommy!” He ran downstairs to tell his Oma that we will go get a massage while I change then lay on the bed for awhile then Skype my special someone.
I made it to Saturday and although I couldn’t keep my promise of having Saturday off at least I can still take him out doing something together although my whole body just wanted a long nice uninterrupted sleep.
“But Mommy, I’m hungry…” said the boy who has been on a growth spurt.
“Ok, we can eat there hey before the massage.”
Then off we went to the mall. He picked a small restaurant. He looked so happy this boy of mine. A guilty feeling pulled my soul and squeezed it hard seeing how simple thing like going out just the two of us made his beautiful eyes shines brighter than usual.
That working mom’s guilt
I have been so stressed, stretched beyond my expectations, burnt out and coming home every night exhausted. Leaving very much a short fuse to motherhood. It wasn’t pretty at all and I have been feeling that I am failing him. The inner voices has been ugly and mean. Like a live in bully in my head.
He’s been having a hard time adjusting to going back to school again after a long summer break. In less than a week’s time I got that dreaded school’s note from his homeroom teacher. She wanted to see me.
I feel more defeated than ever…
So we came up with a new plan. To approach him like an adult not like the 8 years old that he really is. I know this may not be the right way – but it works – so I will stick to it.
I told him this is only temporary. His mother working all the time. This is not permanent and our future will be different.
“I like it when you work from home…” he said softly as I lay there next to him on his bed one night.
“I like that too but for now this is our reality…we will make it up and have Saturdays as OUR day. How bout that?” I was thankful for the darkness of the room that hide my tears.
So last Saturday we started our first Saturdate. Early dinner followed by a much needed massage followed by a haircut for him.
It may not be much or fancy but I ignored the phone for several precious hours and focused on him. My son, my boy…and his happiness shines brightly like a flame that fuels my energy to keep going.
For one day my son…things will change for the better.