Rediscovering Happiness

Thursday was difficult…

I woke up with anger engulfing my whole being. So much so that my jaws hurt by lunch time from clenching them so tightly.

I can’t find peace. I feel lost.


Sciatica cramps kept me up almost all night.

I haven’t workout in almost two weeks, I didn’t even feel like doing those stretches and that’s why my sciatica is back, that’s why my back is killing me again.

Work pisses me off since early morning too. Things just got on my nerves and rubbed me the wrong way. They just suffocate me!!!

I was mad!!!

Everything just went wrong that day.

Yet he reached out from a land far away. Hell, he insisted that I tell him how I really am feeling while I was trying to shield him from my dark days. I don’t want him to worry too much.

He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He reminded me that we are in this together.

I caved in, admitting to him I am struggling is very difficult.

I’m angry.” I punched that on my phone.

GOOD!” he replied

And sad.” Tears brewing in the corner of my eyes.

GREAT TOO!!!” and I were lost not understanding why he thinks those are good. “Yes, because you are holding it in…probably.

He was right. I was holding it in. I slipped into the old me again trying to toughen it up especially while he is so far away. I even got mad at myself for feeling angry when I have every damn right to be furious, to be so angry. By denying my heart to feel those emotions I didn’t realize how I am slowing the process down.

When I refuse to get swept away by huge waves of emotions, I am hurting myself even more. When I put a mental block, I am hiding from growth.

Shifting my mind from anger, that night as I cuddled my sweet boy I asked him something that I never asked him before.

Are you happy, Pumpkin?

Yes, Mommy.” He threw his arm around my neck and I kissed his cheek.

Can you tell me what makes you happy?

He looked puzzled so I gave him some examples of what makes me happy then watched his smile widen.

I’m happy when I’m with you, Mommy.” And feel his love showering my weary soul. “I’m happy when you take me to the park…when I play with Daddy….when I ride my bike…

We talked some more about the little things that makes us happy and that really wipe my anger, my sadness away. That boy and I created our new ritual last night that we will talk about what makes us happy every day before bed. Gratitude…

Maybe little children in their pure soul and innocence doesn’t need reasons to be happy, they just feel happy.

So I woke up yesterday with a new determination, new spirit. I smiled to the elder man I always see in the morning. He and I take the same bus every morning. He always smiles but I never really paid too much attention to him before. All I know he’s always so polite and let me climb aboard the bus first. Something pulled me on this dark grey morning when I saw him. I smiled.

He smiled back…ever so genuinely. That smile brightens my day. Really.

Then I realized wait a minute, I was wearing my mask! How can he see my smile? It was dark this morning. And my mask look something like this:


I posted this ‘incident’ on Facebook and one of my friends replied;

The smiling happy elderly that radiates kindness…the hug and love I feel as I close my eyes given by a man smiling from the other side of my world…the love of my child…the love and comfort of my parents. I am soaking it all in…allowing it in…feeling it in my heart and soul and I know those are real.

I am on my way…to re-discover that happiness from within me again. In the meantime, I will allow those waves of emotions to flow through me.



  1. June 15, 2013 / 11:03 am


    Joy comes when it’s not dependent on someone or something.

    You’ve got this, lady.

    • Maureen
      June 17, 2013 / 10:10 am

      Thank you Sue! It really is an inside job and I’m working to reclaim mine back 🙂

  2. June 15, 2013 / 11:22 am

    Talking about things you are grateful for is a wonderful way to end the day.
    I’m glad you’re okay, my friend!

    • Maureen
      June 17, 2013 / 10:11 am

      It really put things into perspective, Alison.
      Thank you, my friend you are so awesome!

  3. Saundra Rohn
    June 15, 2013 / 6:37 pm

    Dear dear daughter how I love thee❤please feel all my love. You and Alex make me happy!!!
    Sending love and hugs that will never let go❤ xxxooo
    Love and miss you always ,

    • Maureen
      June 17, 2013 / 10:11 am

      Thank you Mom. Love you and miss you too lots 🙂

  4. June 15, 2013 / 8:20 pm

    Sometimes the little things – a smile,a child’s innocence – bring us back and reset our own capacity for happiness. A very inspiring read today.

    • Maureen
      June 17, 2013 / 10:16 am

      Your kind words really make my heart smile. Thank you, Andrea 🙂 Sometimes it really is the small things that means the most.

  5. Aaron Ginyard
    June 17, 2013 / 4:54 pm

    This was very encouraging and heartfelt. I too hurt going through a divorce and emotions are everywhere. After reading this, it encouraged me to let that hidden anger go because its doing nothing but hurting me in the end. I love your blogs!!! Thank you Scoops!!!

    • Maureen
      June 18, 2013 / 8:50 am

      Thank you Aaron.
      As cliche as it sounds, the holding on to anger part is a must before we could really move forward. I mean, I thought I had let go of my anger but what I didn’t realize was there’s still something underneath it all, something that has been blocking me to reach my full potential in life. Once I face those ‘demons’ and cast them away I dare now say I feel like a completely different woman!
      Try it, your soul will thank you 🙂

  6. Erin M Threlfall
    June 17, 2013 / 6:29 pm

    What a lovely new tradition you have formed!

    • Maureen
      June 18, 2013 / 8:51 am

      Thank you, Erin!
      Your FB page is truly inspiring and I just love it 🙂

  7. June 18, 2013 / 10:27 am

    Every time I see your workout posts on Instagram, I’m like “She’s a TIGER!” Though we’ve never met, I have always gotten this strong energy from you. Even if you post that you weren’t fine (like a couple weeks ago), somehow I knew you’d pull through. You’re an inspiration, Maureen! I hope we get to meet one day 🙂

  8. June 20, 2013 / 7:08 am

    Those are hard steps to remember some days. There’s so many happiness-killers out there, you just have to keep battling to make it through. Luckily, you have such a great support system as well as a supremely awesome attitude. Stay strong!

  9. June 22, 2013 / 1:36 am

    Yes. Yes. And yes.
    re-discovery takes time but little by little all of those snippets of happiness and gratitude for them will wash away the bad…or at least make them feel less like mountains.
    keep the happy in the forefront always…and run towards it.
    PS. Sciatica is a bitch.

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