“Teach me to be strong…”
A dear friend of mine asked me that a couple of days ago and my heart sank. She’s in a situation that I wish would never happen to any other women. No one should ever feel these kinds of pains! No one deserves the pain infidelity caused!
I’m outraged…I cried for her.
“Times will make you strong…and your children will push you to be strong.” That’s all I could type with my shaky fingers, replying to her message.
Times will help heals the wounds even when I doubt it would completely heals mine and I’m starting to feel that I am healing inside. The pain, the throbbing numbness is still there, I can still feel it pulsating from time to time but on most days I didn’t even think about it anymore. Does that mean I’m strong? Maybe a little stronger than 9 months ago…
Acceptance play a huge part and praying gets me through some of the darkest and toughest days but it sure doesn’t come easily.
Grieving is important…so I told my friend to cry as much as she wanted to. Told her if she wants to scratch the wall then do so. The anger and the grieve are still too raw and she must let it take its course. Fighting them will only slow down the healing process.
Being mothers, it is not easy to deal with grieves and angers because we wanted to protect our children. We don’t want them to see us breaking down when all we wanted to do is curled up and die. If possible, a day or two away from home would probably be a good idea.
Family and trusted friends plays huge role as well. Their supports will give us the strength we need to move on. To take that step…one day at a time to move forward. Just like a baby, we might have to re-learn to walk…alone with our children clinging to us for guidance. Support systems will raise us up tremendously in these darkest times. Their true love will guide us through even when we feel like the world had fell on our heads.
Yes, I’m in a much better place today than I was 9 months ago but I still feel that twinge of pain resurfacing. Even more so lately during this holiday seasons.
Seeing Christmas images of happy family…holidays are meant to share with family right? I may be surrounded with my immediate families but knowing that my own little family had been shattered hurts. Tears fell silently as I watched my boy sleep so peacefully on Christmas Eve knowing how much he misses his Daddy still.
But I am moving forward! It will not take me far if I keep walking backwards. Life had thrown me off of my balance and altered everything I had known. My faith in marriage might be forever changes but it will not stop me from living.
So my dearest friend…just hang in there. As hard as it is to believe, there will be a silver lining in your horizon when the time is right. Held your head up high and walk on…Remember you are loved, by your children, by your parents, your family and your friends!
I love you dear friend!