No Matchmaker

Suburb Matchmaker
Creative Commons License photo credit: Robboguy

An old friend from college chatted with me a couple of days ago asking one of the ‘famous’ questions that us Indonesian women who married to white men often hears.

Do you know a single bule* guy?”

Apparently she has a friend, let’s name her “Betty” who just broke up with a white guy here and that girl is so brokenhearted but not wanting to date Indonesians.

Now, I’m not going to attack that girl for her taste in dating white guys because I too had actually stopped dating locals’ years before I met Mr. X. It got nothing to do with the ‘trending lifestyle’ as some would put it, for me it’s a matter of personal choices. Without sounding like a racist – just the way some people prefer strawberry ice-cream, I like vanilla better!

I know how broken heart felt like so I can sympathize to a certain level especially since most of the white guys that lives and works in Jakarta are well known to be a player. How so? Simple, because let’s face it, they have these brown exotic girls throwing themselves at them. Supplies and demands play a factor.

But, what I do not sympathize is that fact that Betty dated a married guy! This is where I can’t feel sorry for their broken relationship. Granted, it takes two to tango but as the one who is not attached, she shouldn’t get carried away with the affair.

I will write about this affair thing in a later post as it deserves a whole new post.

Back to my friend’s question, I told her that no, I don’t have any single white guy friends so I can’t play the role of matchmaker for Betty. Plus Mr. X is not working in a foreign company where he would be associated with other expats and we only have a few expats friends here but they’re also married. Where he works now there are only 2 expatriates, him and a married British guy.

When I suggest that Betty try the plenty of dating sites out there, my friend said Betty would prefer someone who’s a friend of someone. Well, make sense…but tough luck because I can’t be any help. Plus, honestly…I’m not comfortable playing matchmaker in the first place. If both parties are mature enough then great but if one of them will point fingers at me if their ‘thing’ doesn’t work out…well that would just be too weird and awkward. So, even if I know someone I wouldn’t want to get involved in playing cupid.

From a small survey I did yesterday on my Facebook profile, I found out most of my friends who are in a mix marriage basically have the will to help out if the opportunity is there, meaning if the ‘bule’ is available but what they doesn’t appreciate is the nagging to find one. One girl replied that some of her friends went so far to give her deadlines of when to find Mr. Perfect White Guys for them with specific characteristics. Now, isn’t that something?

If you’re Indonesian and married to a white guy, have you ever get asked the same request? How did you handle it? If you’re not Indonesian, how do you feel about such request?

*bule = Indonesian slang for white skin




Lifestyle and travel blogger, founder of Single Moms Indonesia on a quest of finding joy in everyday life and living life to the fullest with kindness, compassion, grace and a bit of sass.

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  1. July 13, 2010 / 10:33 am

    sorry I can’t answer your question but I would never help anyone that is dating a married man…even if she is broken-hearted. You’re definitely a better person then I am.
    Uyen recently posted..what happened to the lazy days of summerMy Profile

    • Maureen
      July 13, 2010 / 10:36 am

      I’m not a better person, Uyen I just doesn’t feel comfortable in playing cupid. As far as her dating a married man yeah that left a bad taste in my mouth and I told my friend how I felt about that she said “Yeah, I know I told her about karma!” The affair may have ended but the pain it inflicted on the family of that guy? Well…not sure about that.

  2. July 13, 2010 / 11:44 am

    I do agree that the broken-hearted girl doesn’t deserve the symphathy for her “affair”, compared to smone who is in a normal relationship.

    I for one believe in’ll comeback and bite u in the backside!

    In general, I don’t mind introducing friends if I think they match, but I’ll go as far as putting them together as new friends. What happen after that it’s up to them. Am glad that I have managed to set friends up succesfully up to marriage (sadly can’t seem to set myself up..haha!), and it’s a good feeling when u know ur a part of a creation of a lasting relationship.

    • Maureen
      July 13, 2010 / 4:29 pm

      Oh Karma is a biotch and it’ll come get those who deserves it – at least that’s what I believe.

      That’s great that you have a ‘talent’ of hooking people up but not me hahaha. Your time will come, I remember a saying that I read when I was single that when we’re single it just means God is still ‘busy’ wrapping up that perfect one for us 😀

  3. July 13, 2010 / 12:59 pm

    I won’t matchmake for friends. I used to when I was a teenager but usually got blamed if it didn’t work out! I would introduce people if necessary but that’s as far as it goes.

    People have really given your friend time limits on finding them a guy?!? That’s awful, your poor friend, talk about pressure!
    Pumpkin and Piglet recently posted..Food for a little tumMy Profile

    • Maureen
      July 13, 2010 / 4:30 pm

      Introducing is fine but to go out of my way and actually hooking two people up…errr…I don’t think I can do that LOL.

      Yeah, one of my friend said she had 2 girl friends asking her that with a deadline. Amazing huh? Hahaha.

  4. July 13, 2010 / 1:57 pm

    I don’t matchmake at all, I’m no good at it anyway. I had an Indian guy friend in college ask me to introduce him to my white girlfriends, despite the fact that his family didn’t want him to date or marry a white girl. So awkward, I just told him all my white girlfriends were taken!
    Satakieli recently posted..Tangy Shrimp -amp Summer Vegetable SaladMy Profile

    • Maureen
      July 13, 2010 / 4:31 pm

      Me too, girl! 😀 Not a matchmaker material here so I’d rather not start one. Hahaha on that Indian guy it’s interesting how sometimes people will push huh.

  5. MamaOnDaGo
    July 13, 2010 / 2:20 pm

    What is the fascination with a “bule”? I’m curious to know. I understand the preference between strawberry & vanilla, but your friend strictly wants only vanilla.

    • Maureen
      July 13, 2010 / 4:35 pm

      The strawberry & vanilla is my own illustration how I’ve always got attracted to ‘white guys’ not to say that I never date Asian guys, I did but it just never feels right. But the popular misconceptions which leads to the bad image of Asian-White couples are there are girls who actively pursue white guys for their money, for a one way ticket out of the country and so on. Talk about gold diggers! While the genuine girls who married white guys will get generalized as gold diggers and still on most cases be looked down by people in our own country. Sad really but it’s an interesting subject. Hey, you’ve just given me a blog idea! Thank you! 😀

  6. July 13, 2010 / 11:06 pm

    As a general rule, relationships and deadlines don’t mix. Indonesian or not. 🙂 What is it with women and meeting certain “life achievements” by certain ages?

    • Maureen
      July 14, 2010 / 2:44 pm

      Totally, Liz! I think it got something to do with the Indonesian cultures…usually when a girl hits the age of uhm lets say around 25 then her families will usually starts to ask “So when you are getting married?” – talk about pressure eh?

  7. July 13, 2010 / 11:19 pm

    You’re right about some Indonesian women ‘craving’ for bules. That’s kinda scarry. Specially when you go to pubs, those women are so aggressive towards your man. This happened to my friend who went to Bats with her American husband. The guy kept telling those Indonesian women to leave him alone but they were so persistent.

    • Maureen
      July 14, 2010 / 2:46 pm

      Sylvia yeah I know about those ‘chicks’ Jakarta really is not the place for the faint of heart or ehm in this case the faint of zippers hahaha. I took my husband to BATS once when we were still dating, he couldn’t stand the place LOL.

  8. July 14, 2010 / 5:20 am

    I’ve learned that playing matchmaker is usually NOT a good idea…when it doesn’t work out, it seems to become your problem! I try to stay out of matchmaking as much as I can…
    Natalie recently posted..The Trip That Will Never BeMy Profile

    • Maureen
      July 14, 2010 / 2:47 pm

      Exactly and then if both of them are ‘happens’ to be your friends it will make things awkward if it doesn’t work out.

  9. July 14, 2010 / 6:30 am

    A white male friend of mine asked me to introduce him to one of my black female friends but knowing that he is difficult to please I am not taking that task. He wants the perfect girl – someone just like me :P, :D! So as you said tough luck to him ;)!
    MsBabyPlan recently posted..7 – I Comment Therefore I Am- Trilingua ChallengeMy Profile

    • Maureen
      July 14, 2010 / 2:49 pm

      Good on ya, girl! My sister brother in-law married a beautiful smart black girl and they have beautiful girl together. I guess my inlaws families are beautifully colorful 😀

    • Maureen
      July 14, 2010 / 2:50 pm

      Thank you 😀

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