(Uhm yeah, I lost a key there on my laptop)
In case you don’t realize it, English is not my first language…
It just happens that I love to write in them and to use them on a daily basis with Lil’ A. He is growing up between the two languages, English and Indonesian just as Mr. X and I had agreed on.
Maybe it’s a matter of personal taste but I.love.writing.in.English.
I’ve been blogging in a language that I learn from childhood for years now yet lately I’ve been feeling like I’m not good enough. Reading other blogs who can push out beautifully written and crafted words make me envy and make me feel little doubtful of my own writing.
I suck at grammar!
Yes, I can spell and pretty good at it but grammatically, I am challenged.
Even when my Indonesian friends said my writing is good I still feel like I’m not good enough. One of my friends think my English is on a native level and she asked how I learned, where I learned. I had no definite answers. I grew up a miner’s daughter – or so I lovingly prefer my father’s job as – I was surrounded and exposed with English language since early on. English course? What course? Tried that many moons ago but I never got to finish it because I was bored.
Even when people at my office had ‘nominated’ me as an unofficial translator – I still feel that I’m not good enough.
Even when some of our projects managers who are Australians had asked before “Why do you sound so American, Maureen?” – I still feel I’m not good enough.
That no matter how hard I try, I will never write as good as everyone else and this thought has been weighing me down lately.
Feeling like I am not good enough in this whole blogsphere. Maybe I lost my mojo?
Then last month, I got my first ever fan e-mail. Well maybe it’s not even one but it came from someone I didn’t know who was pointed in the direction of my blog. He commented on my ‘bravery’ to blog about my divorce journey so openly and I told him that despite how open it may look like, what I blog about only covers the outer layers. Blogging through my divorce helps me cope and most definitely cheaper than seeing my therapist! Reading my reader’s comments – especially those who had been through the same painful journey of ending a marriage truly help.
My writing has got me through some of my most hellish time, it’s my therapy because as it allows me to bear my soul, my pains, my joys, my hopes, my dreams. So I shall continue writing, continue blogging, continue forming sentences with simple words to express what’s inside me.
If it could inspire others who was or still is in the same/similar situations as mine then I would be honored.
I may not be the most popular blogger or snag a book deal but for now, I am good enough to have my own little corner here in the blogsphere to be me and make new connections with others.
I am good enough in this sea of many great bloggers with all my grammatically challenged sentences, I am my own person, I am me…unique and different.
This post is inspired by Just.Be.Enough. A powerful group of women pioneered by Elena to empower, to inspire and to celebrate ourselves.