I’m Not Trying To Be A Skinny Bitch

Was going to make a photo collage of myself today but decided maybe a blog post would be better.

You know I’ve shared my fat story here on this little blog of mine before and explained how I’ve battled body image for years.

What shocked me the most was I didn’t have that many pictures of myself after A was born. Going through thousands of pictures I kept on that external hard drive, my heart ache. “Was it that bad?”, “Did I really hide myself behind my camera, behind the excuse of new motherhood?”  What little pictures of myself there were either taken by my ex-mom in laws.

Someone in my family blamed me for letting myself go after I left Mr. X…before the initial shock of finally leaving sinking in. I still remember that pain that shred me after hearing such comment. So he cheated because I was a fat ugly wife? Wow!

As life goes on, my weight went back up and down…it was like a yo-yo on steroids. I would commit myself to do power walking, the weights went down then I would lose steam and quit. Of course the weight went back up.

Last year, I lost a lot of weights from power walking but that didn’t last long.

Until I made that turned to change my lifestyle altogether…who knew lifting weights and to feel the burns feel so good? With all the crap that I’ve been through the pain of working-out is nothing!  For once, I found my therapy and endorphins are addicting you know!

I’ve blogged about how good it makes me feels and how now I realized it is a lifestyle change not a crash diet to fit into a bikini! Although yes, I’ve recently purchased a new cute little bikini to motivate me. Hah!


Then to hear:

“You need to stop losing weight! You look so old now and ugly!”

If that came from a stranger or a friend I’d probably can laugh it off and call them jealous but when it came from someone who suppose to support you and love you? It hurts so damn much!

Let me get this straight, as I am typing this I am still weighing 60kilos (132lbs) and being 5’5” how on earth does that makes me too skinny? I just don’t get it maybe I’ll never will.

Do you know what I want?  I want to get toned! I want muscles! And ladies and gentlemen, to do so I still have to lower my body fat percentage! The last time I got measured by my trainer nearly two months ago, I had a 27% body fat!

Lowering body fat has been my goal…heck, I had even stopped weighing myself until I heard that comment above.

So trying to live a healthy lifestyle, trying to lower my body fat makes me look so old and ugly?

I have been working my ass off trying to meet my goal. At least I want to reach 25% body fat so that’s why I’m cutting out bad carbs like rice, etc. After reaching my goal, I would start eating carbs again but sticking with healthier ones.

It’s not like I am starving myself like I used to do many years ago. Actually, I’ve been eating more now that I had ever been but with healthier choices. I have never feel this good, this strong ever before even when I was at my lowest weight which was 55 kilos (121lbs) so why I keep getting such negative comments are beyond me.

This threw me down since yesterday but now I took my frustrations out by lifting those dumbbells and let every beads became my tears. Letting the sore muscles numbing the pain in my heart.

Maybe this is life, you could never win. When you’re fat you are wrong…when you try to get healthy you are also wrong…but I know I’m not trying to be a skinny bitch, that’s for sure.

Any tips on handling these negativity if they are coming from your families, guys? I could sure use them right now. 




Lifestyle and travel blogger, founder of Single Moms Indonesia on a quest of finding joy in everyday life and living life to the fullest with kindness, compassion, grace and a bit of sass.

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  1. Veronica
    August 13, 2012 / 7:31 pm

    My advice is to cut those people out of your life. People who love you should be support of the positive changes you’re making also you look incredible in both the before and after. Sounds like someone might be envious of you. Either way you look incredible. Keep up the good work.

    • Maureen
      August 14, 2012 / 11:11 am

      Thank you Veronica. I try to let it go as best as I can because they’re family members but yes it sting lol.

  2. Steve
    August 13, 2012 / 7:55 pm

    It sounds to me like someones jealous of your accomplishments. Jealousy from the people closest to us is the most painful. You’re beautiful and need to feel beautiful no matter what others say. Run away with me, that’ll solve everything! 😉

    • Maureen
      August 14, 2012 / 11:13 am

      Aww thanks Steve for the encouragements and for the invitation to run away with you lol but I must stay here 😀

  3. Emmy
    August 13, 2012 / 10:08 pm

    Wish I could give you big hugs , hang in there ya darling . Xoxo

    • Maureen
      August 14, 2012 / 11:13 am

      Thanks for always being there for me, Em. Love ya!

  4. August 13, 2012 / 10:53 pm

    Maureen, I doubt you could ever be a bitch of any kind. It’s funny, Japanese people can be like that, too – critical no matter what you do. I find when you have just a handful of friends who always lift your spirits, that negativity doesn’t have a chance!
    Nami recently posted..Only Temporarily OnlyMy Profile

    • Maureen
      August 14, 2012 / 11:17 am

      Sounds like a lot like the people here. I do try to stay close to my circle of supportive friends but it is a bit hard when the negativity came from families member. Thanks for all your support, girl! You rock!

  5. August 13, 2012 / 11:05 pm

    some people are threatened when someone in their live starts to Get their OWN life. When they see you get better, become happer, grow new self esteem: it makes them realize all they DON’T do. It’s a glaring reminder in their face of how they’ve failed and someone else hasn’t.

    Some cultures also dont value thin: I know in mine, my entire lifetime I have been referred to as “flaca,” a not very nice way to say unattractive, because I am 5 ft 5 and 117 lbs.

    I feel good at my weight. I feel attractive at my weight.
    Alexandra recently posted..Hope 2012: A Blog RelayMy Profile

    • Maureen
      August 14, 2012 / 11:20 am

      Thank you dearest, Alexandra. It’s funny here because skin, tiny, petite girls really are the standard of beauty added the long thick straight black hair and super light skins. I don’t have all that so I guess I never fit in in the first place hahaha but I do feel like I now have a better posture, more self confidence and happier. And to know that I’m doing it the healthy ways, with all my family history of diabetes, I thought my family would be backing me up not telling me now I look old and ugly. That really hurts but I just have to let it go.

      You are beautiful and hey you’re as tall as me 😀

  6. August 13, 2012 / 11:48 pm

    Maureen… sometimes it’s the people closest to us that can hurt us the most. They don’t mean it, or they probably do, we’ll never know, won’t we since we always think they will support us! I think that comment stems from an insecure part of the person who thinks that because of your change in lifestyle, you will not be the same person they think you are. You need to reassure that beneath that smokin hot body you are still the same old Maureen – only sexier, healthier and finer 🙂

    • Maureen
      August 14, 2012 / 11:22 am

      Yup that’s so true, Therry. An ex colleague of mine asked if I’m on steroids awhile back and although that pissed me off a bit it didn’t hurt as much as hearing a family member calling me old and ugly. The problem is deep I really still am the same person but with a much better positive outlook on life, knowing I’m fighting my family genes of carrying diabetes makes me feel good. Thanks, Ther!

  7. August 14, 2012 / 12:51 am

    Wow, you can’t win either way. You need to tell your family member how much the comment hurt, and how when you were bigger you were criticized for being fat. Now that you’re healthier and toned, they’re calling you old and ugly? You don’t look old and ugly. Give a guilt trip about how you thought family would be supportive of you getting HEALTHIER and if they can’t be nice then you two don’t have to talk. Just to take it lying down or else they’ll keep saying ridiculous things like that.
    Bicultural Mama recently posted..Stellar Babies Multicultural Dolls Start UpMy Profile

    • Maureen
      August 14, 2012 / 11:28 am

      Maria, it’s a crazy thing. I remember when I first got back from the States and my skin was so tanned people called me out for being darker. That’s just an example of how people here tend to say things that will be considered rude in other countries. One can easily make comments on other’s appearance without any hesitations. I understand that’s just a cultural thing so I’m better at handling them when it comes from strangers. I did tried to explain what my goal is which is lowering my body fat and they gave me a ‘I-don’t-give-a-damn’ look and I knew it was a loosing battle so I choose to be quiet and bite my tongue. Such is life. Thanks anyway, Maria you’re so very kind my friend!

  8. August 14, 2012 / 4:21 am

    I’m going to be one of a few guys commenting here, probably, but I’ll risk it anyways. Before I started to reply I checked first if there was a full moon out. 😉
    I believe the most important things is, you are doing what you are doing for yourself. You don’t do it because of anyone other than yourself.
    “Through the eyes of others” any person is *always* to short, to tall, to skinny, to fat, to light, to dark, wearing the wrong shoes, wearing the right shoes, The most common reason for people to react that way is jealousy. They tend to project their own insecurities on others, so they don’t have to worry about their own.
    Either way… What IS perfect and WHO defines that?
    JanB recently posted..Group Shirting – Take them Off!My Profile

    • Maureen
      August 14, 2012 / 11:31 am

      Hahahaha Jan, you are awesome! Don’t ever be afraid to comment, my friend. 😀

      Yes, I’m doing this for myself completely, if I was forced to do it then I wouldn’t last this long and wouldn’t give 110% of what I got doing all those hard workouts. Of course it motivates me because I want to be around for a loooong time for my son.

      Funny thing is, one of my family members just told me last Sunday that now since pretty much all my clothes are too loose they will take donations from me hahaha.

      Thanks for the thought provoking words, Jan. No one is perfect and aiming for perfection is foolish. Better to aim for a healthier lifestyle so we can be around for a long time and bug the hell out of people 😉

  9. August 14, 2012 / 8:08 am

    Maureen, you look amazing! Anyone who says otherwise is jealous. It’s really that simple. Keep doing what your doing! As long as you’re happy, no one else matters.

    Oh, and I’m dying to know what your workout routine is! Have you already written on that?
    Jessica recently posted..Why do women wear red lipstick?My Profile

    • Maureen
      August 14, 2012 / 11:33 am

      Thank you so much Jessica! I’ve wrote about my gym routines at the wordpress blog but been neglecting it for awhile. I don’t think I can juggle it and might move the content here as soon as I can. I have changed my routine now that I’m no longer working with the trainer. Will post an update on that ASAP too. 😀

  10. August 14, 2012 / 9:16 am

    I love the title to this post. Skinny Bitch is such a common term these days, but what is it about being skinny that makes you a bitch? You are changing your lifestyle to be healthier and your body is thanking you. If your family members are giving you the most pushback, I think maybe they are having a hard time adjusting to the new you. Many people just don’t like change, especially when it’s in people closest to them. Do your thing and forget the negativity. You are doing the best thing for yourself right now!
    Andrea recently posted..BeforeMy Profile

    • Maureen
      August 14, 2012 / 11:40 am

      LOL thanks, Andrea. That’s the word that came up in my head when I was writing this post. I used to judge skinny girls as a bitch too because I thought wow they’re a snob but the more I learned and the more I see that a lot of these skinny girls are either naturally skinny or they worked hard to get to where they are. I admire the ones who worked extra hard, that’s for sure. I am earning my body too now by eating right and exercising. Maybe they are having a hard time seeing the changes in me. I eat clean from Monday – Saturday but on the weekend where we usually do go out as a family and eat, I will eat too just like normal. Deep down, I am still the same person as I was before but now I am just more careful in what I eat. Thank you, Andrea 🙂

  11. August 14, 2012 / 7:55 pm

    First off, you look great! Secondly smile and nod to whomever made that comment-they are beyond jealous and that makes me so mad. Friends and family should be there to support you and if they are going to bring negativity into your life that’s all they are…wasted space!

    • Maureen
      August 20, 2012 / 7:14 pm

      Thank you Marissa, I do try to use the negativity as fuels to keep me going. It’s harder to ignore it when it comes from family but I am trying to slowly explain to them that I am trying to add longer years into my life. Appreciate your support 🙂

  12. August 15, 2012 / 2:30 am

    Give the opinions offered by others, whether positive or negative, all of the credence they deserve – which is none. This is YOUR journey toward good health and strength. It does not matter if they understand it or not. Let it roll off of you. What is important is that you are making your health a priority in a healthy way AND you are setting a good example for those around you, especially your child.

    No matter what someone says, be it positive or negative, answer along the tune of “I feel great, but being healthy is a life long journey. I will always be striving to strengthen my body and to improve my health.”
    gina valley recently posted..I’ve Got Your “Happy Birthday” Right Here!My Profile

    • Maureen
      August 20, 2012 / 7:17 pm

      I love what you says here, Gina. Thank you for that. It is a life long journey and I’m not stopping because I’ve seen and feel how much better I feel physically and mentally. I had let the negative comment from my family member slide away as much as it hurts but when I told them I do not want to inherit the diabetes disease that runs in my family, that shut them up because they know how bad diabetes had affected both sides of my family.

      Appreciate your support, I love your quote and will use that 😀

  13. Rachel
    August 15, 2012 / 4:29 pm

    They’re just jealous. you look great! just ignore them.

    • Maureen
      August 20, 2012 / 7:19 pm

      Thanks, Rachel 🙂

  14. August 20, 2012 / 8:03 am

    Hi Maureen,
    It’s so sad when people close to us feel the need to put us down when we make positive lifestyle changes. It happens, and we get over it. Maybe it was just a personal test to see how you would handle it. Anyway, you look great, and at 5’5″ your weight is ideal.

    Toned looks good, but it takes some time and effort. Good luck on your goals. 🙂
    Justin Mazza recently posted..Brain Salon and Brain Evolution System $100 off Discount Ends August 31stMy Profile

    • Maureen
      August 20, 2012 / 7:20 pm

      Hi Justin,

      First of all thank you for stopping by and for liking my Facebook page. Really appreciate it and your encouraging comment. I am over it, actually it push me harder to proof to them that I am not just trying to be skinny, I’m trying to live healthy. My journey is still a long one, but I’m loving every parts of it.

  15. September 6, 2012 / 10:29 pm

    I struggle a lot with weight too. Oh boy, what a struggle!

    I have a really close Indonesian friend here in France who is also married to a Frenchie. Our sons play together.
    Lady Jennie recently posted..Gâteau au YaourtMy Profile

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