“I had to learn what I’ve got, and what I’m not, and who I am”
The song…no, that song came on!
I closed my eyes and let every words sinks deeper into my soul.
How can there be so much truth out of one line in a song that’s totally talks about something completely different.
“When you’re needing your space to do some navigating, I will be here patiently waiting to see what you find.”
That’s what I am doing right now.
Trying to understand it all.
“No, I’m not okay…” I hang my head as more tears escaped from me. A weep got caught in my throat.
Just to hear, to feel myself uttering those words after all of these years felt surreal. Me, the one who always puts on a brave face, the one who fool everyone and look strong all the time is now breaking. Decades of self defense mechanism finally failed to protect me.
“No, I’m not fine…” I shook my weary head.
Pain, unspeakable pain numb me.
Fear, threatening to stop my steps.
Then I feel that gentlest tap, ever so softly touching my shoulder.
The voice fill my heart. “Allow it, let it, welcome it and then in its own time it will leave. But first you need to feel it and experience it as fully as possible. Be in this moment with it, you will be fine if you allow it to pass through you. It is blockages that do harm. Freedom to feel heals.”
“Freedom to feel heals, promise me you will remember that.”
And with that I shut my eyes and let tears washes over me. For today and for awhile I won’t be fine, I won’t be OK but I will get through this.
PS: This post was inspired by Jason Mraz’s song “I Wont’ Give Up.”