It’s one of those dark days where I initially wanted to complain, to bitch about every single thing in my life, about how royally sucks things have seemed through my speckled glasses.
But maybe I should write about how lucky I really am and should these kinds of days popped up again, I can look back to this post and be thankful.
So I’m gonna list why I am indeed lucky…
- My big crazy family: If what happened to me took place lets say back in the States where I have no families I really don’t know how I can cope. The last time I was in China, it was pure hell that made me shed nearly 20 pounds in one friggin month! I was alone there, contemplating on throwing myself off of the balcony. If I’m here without my family I literally have nowhere else to go…not only they welcome me back home, they were my crutch when I could barely walk…when I just want to curl up and die. Without them, I don’t know how I’ll make it this far. Yes, they get on my nerves sometimes and moving back in hasn’t been the easiest thing but again, I don’t know what I’d do without them.
- My Cheeky Little Monkey: At times, looking at him washed me with guilt – lots of them -, but if it wasn’t because of him…I clearly wouldn’t be so strong to keep moving forward. He is my fuels…he’s the reasons why I work my ass off to give him the life that he so deserves…His love…is probably the purest form of love out there. His hugs and kisses mended my bruised and broken self. His spontaneous-abrupt-out-of-the-blue “I love you, Mommy” makes it all worthwhile.
- My girlfriends: They wiped my tears with their comforting words, they never pass judgments unlike so many out there who don’t know the whole story and just chew on my ‘case’ as a hot gossip amongst the mix marriage community. They believed in me even when I lost my faith. With them, I can totally be ME…masks off…I can bare my soul and they’d still care. They slap me hard when I need to wake up and laugh again – you know sometimes we do need that jolt to snap us out of our trance – or if I’m about to do stupid stuff. I love you guys so much!
- My job: There are days where I feel like hitting my head on the wall or throw my hands in the air and said all the profanity words in the dictionary. But when I looked back to where I had come before…it stopped me dead cold. To think of the long months of job hunting, turning down offers because they pay too little or never hear from them again because they think I’m too old. I really am so damn lucky to have this job. To have the security of a paycheck to bring home to support my son, my family. Not just that…working also help me healing, the satisfaction of achieving, accomplishing…are great for my soul.
- My words: Without my words…I wouldn’t have my free therapy! God knows I can’t afford my counselor anymore. If you’d only know how many posts I wrote but never published!