Even before I moved to America to joined Mr. X, I’ve noticed some ‘uniqueness’ in Indonesians behaviors that lives in the US especially those who married Americans but I did not see the full extent of it until I personally live there and seeing it with my very own eyes. Of course not all Indonesian women are that ‘unique’.

In my short years of living there, I had met and make friends with some fantastic, smart and brilliant women but I also have my share of not-so-lucky-ones. Ones that I’d rather forget but still couldn’t. Some of these friendships had lasted years already. However, there are some that, well how can I put this nicely, just too bizarre for my taste.

I had personally met someone that from the first moment we talked clearly shows how she praise money even asked how much Mr. X is making a month! Right away I knew she and I will never click, which is kinda sad really because we were living in a really small town and I thought meeting other Indonesians especially another girl will be a nice thing. How wrong was I!

That’s just one tiny example of the attitude I saw. No, I’m not even close to being jealous if you have more money than Bill Gates, wears the latest trend, drive the nicest ride…when you have all of those things then good for you but please do you have to belittle others because they don’t carry that special designer handbags edition? I’ve seen far richer people who act so modestly.

Maybe that girl and others who behave in the same attitude was so blindsided with how much money they got after marrying their wealthy husband or it goes deeper than that? I’m no psychologist, but seem like those who boast about what they have, about how much money they have, and talks bad about others, etc are most likely to cover their own unhappiness in life. As if from doing so makes them feel better than everybody else and feed their ego.

I was once called a drug dealer because I blog about the darn local sheriff came busting our apartment one day! Really? A junky this big? You gotta be kidding me right? Hahaha! I was attacked for blogging when my son was hospitalized. Things can get nasty, between these so-called ‘associations’ amongst Indonesian women abroad, believe me!

An old friend once gave me this which I called  “Revised Ten Commandments” from the “Holy Book of Prada” (or Gucci, or Channel, you name it)

1. Thou shall not have a husband who makes more than mine
2. Thou shall not envy the people I hang out with that holier than thou
3. Thou shall not be prettier than me
4. Thou shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything other than possession
5. Thou shall not carry bag which brand can not be seen from a mile away
6. Thou shall not have more years in schooling than high school
7. Thou shall not be in disagreement with anything that I say
8. Thou shall not be more successful than me
9. Thou shall not question any statement that I make
10. Thou shall not have kids cuter than mine

These whole ‘holier than thou’ attitudes never cease to amaze me. It is also quite funny how these kinds of things rarely happen when I mingle with ‘bule’ people. Of course there will always be drama amongst women but sadly it seems to be more between Indonesians women especially if she’s married to a white guy.

One thing I can’t understand is why do you have to talks badly about other people just because he/she doesn’t look as if a truck load of branded merchandise had hit them head on? Those branded stuffs don’t define who you are, Missy! How shallow and sad that really is – at least that’s how I think about it.

Oh and there was another thing I saw online awhile ago that really put a bad taste in my mouth, usually I won’t care what this person wrote but I find this particular part to be offensive to other women. How on earth could you label somebody’s husband as ‘second hand’ when he was married before? My husband was married before, I have two amazing stepsons but I never ever think of him as ‘second hand’. Jesus Christ!

Anyway, my personal life is already having its own drama so for all the other dramas out there…let me just sit here, munching on some popcorn, become an audience and maybe I could find something to learn out of it. Maybe these kind of people exists to remind me not to lose my ground, to stay level headed.



  1. June 10, 2010 / 6:49 am

    I can’t say the same about Brits married to Americans because honestly I haven’t met many of them (although the ones I have met were lovely).

    I do honestly feel bad for people who act this way, because like you said, you just know it’s covering something. I feel the same way towards people who lie or boast overly about their skills, accomplishments and education. They seem to always pick me, because I haven’t finished my degree and probably never will. I sometimes feel like I want to talk them out of it and tell them that they’re worth more than just their husbands paycheck, their designer clothes. That they don’t need to lie or boast to make themselves seem smart, they need to live in a way that proves it.

    I tried to tell that to someone once, it didn’t work out. We’re no longer friends.

    And referring to a persons husband as second hand? That’s just trashy.

    • June 11, 2010 / 5:27 am

      I’m sorry to hear that you got picked on because some people have their heads stuck in the wrong directions. You’re right about living a way that proves that we are more than our husband’s paycheck, those designers labels or how many diplomas they have because I really believe at the end it’s not these things that matters or counts but it’s how we live our lives.

      About that second hand comment, my DH said “I’d prefer experienced…” hahaha

  2. June 10, 2010 / 1:44 pm

    So true…so true. I will never understand why some women treat one another this way. When I encounter women who base their lives on the ten rules of prada and I run fast…in the opposite direction. Great blog – thanks for commenting on my Emma girl. Sweet!

    • June 11, 2010 / 5:29 am

      Ditto about running the opposite direction – I just can’t pretend and be sweet to someone who based their lives on these revised ten commandments hahaha. Thank you for visiting me back. I love your name btw, makes me crave for some grits 😀

  3. June 10, 2010 / 2:02 pm

    Okay, I read your whole post, and then I got to DH’s quote and busted out laughing!! I LOVE it!

    Women really are horrible to each other – it’s why I don’t have many really close women friends.

    • June 11, 2010 / 5:32 am

      Hahahaha thanks, Natalie. His sarcasm is one of the thing that made me fell in love with him. Yeah, women can really be so mean. I have a few that I can call my besties and I trust enough to really open up because of my ‘break ups’ before I’m more careful to who I open my mouth to LOL

  4. June 11, 2010 / 2:31 am

    I dont know why some women are so horrible to others! I do love your DH’s comment, thats great!

    • June 11, 2010 / 5:33 am

      Some women might just got their wiring wrong hahaha I don’t know but it really can get nasty. Thanks Tina! 😀

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