Friendship, Love & Truth


True friend is someone who might disagree with your choices in life yet support you anyway & tell it to your face, not behind your back!

Came up with these lines today when I was thinking about all the friendships I ever had in my 30 years of living on this planet. It pretty much sums it all up, don’t you think?

In my lifetime this far, I’ve met and made a lot of friends and undeniably some of us bonded, these are the people that I would lovingly refer to as my besties. Unfortunately some of these friendships crashed and burned, leaving dark memories behind. Have to admit that I still found myself grief for some of these people that I chose to cut ties with completely. Forgiveness is easy yet to forget…that’s quiet harder.

From the 4 majors’ besties breakup I ever had, betrayals were always the source. Betrayal cuts deep and left you brokenhearted much like when you broke up with a boyfriend. Because betrayal means the trust between you and that other person has been violated. Didn’t they say that those closest to you hurt you the most?

After my first two breakups, I thought I had learned to be careful, but apparently life still needs to teach me more and presented me with the last twos. As my father always tell me “You learned the hard way!” and that’s what happened.

Losing two people that I thought were my besties last year were very public, thanks to the internet village. News travel much faster these days so those who’ve known me probably had heard about what happened. No, I’m not going to write the juicy details here as there’s no point to it.

It is a jungle after all out there when it comes to friendship. When I zoomed in on friendship between fellow Indonesians who are in a mix-marriage/relationship, I saw this annoying trend that is difficult to fathom.  At first I wasn’t very aware of this but with times I realized how fake these friendships can be. Don’t get me wrong, there are some truly-genuinely-real-sweethearts out there in these crowds that I had befriends with yet the mean-bitchy-two faced-gossipers are plenty! Oh don’t forget the weird ones too; these kinds of girls are the one that only talks about how much money their husbands make and what kinds of designer labels they have. What’s with the negativity, ladies? All the luxury things you can afford is good for you but it’s not everything and it shouldn’t be an issue when it comes to friendship. Too much drama, mama!

Sometimes I would discuss this with one of my close friend who lives in the States and we both shrug in confusion when we tried to analyze what causing this. Is it rivalry, does it bring them joys to belittle someone else? Only God knows the real answer probably but it is a sad phenomenon when you think about it.

Prior to those two major breakups, I thought I had shielded myself from all these negative energies but boy, was I up for a rude awakening! It hurts like hell inside! Just like a brokenhearted girl, I used to well OK sometimes, still play the whys-how comes-how could discs in my head.

My lessons would be to keep things to myself and to keep my guard up at all time.

Here’s a little something something I wrote after the last breakup:

Camaraderie Avenue was not made to be easy
It wasn’t build in a night or two
Even after years flew like a breeze
Some things may left untrue

Like a glass castle
It is still frail
And when it crumbles
Pieces will cut you profoundly leaving your feelings stale

No glue could ever restore what’s vanished
Imaginations at its best
Nothing but wishful belief you should banished
No use to try and guessed

Time will finally come
For you to pack then turn your back
Keep walking even when you’re numb
Your bleeding heart will eventually healed on its track

The scar will always be there
To strike a chord once in a blue moon
It will linger and it’s alright to grieve
You will eventually learn to trust again

Photo by Juliana Coutinho


  1. October 29, 2009 / 6:05 pm

    Goodness! As I had lived for almost 10 years in Jakarta, I’ve yet to experienced what you have described. What I have seen so far (although didn’t experience it, thankfully), is stealing/seducing-someone-else’s-boyfriend/spouse saga. It seems like some Indonesian ladies have little respect on relationships and marriage institution, and have no dignity at all when it comes to grabbing a better chance.

    I too had broken-up with best friends too. And just like what you said, it was as hurtful as breaking-up with a spouse. In fact, it was this incident that triggered me to write a blog. It took me quite sometime to overcome the fact that I was dumped. A few years later she actually texted me, begging me to be her friend again. For my own sanity, I didn’t reply her text 🙂

    Hang in there, sis!

    • October 29, 2009 / 7:32 pm

      Scary as it sounds, I can testify for what I said/seen/heard of how these ‘pergaulan’ between Indonesian women especially those living outside of Indonesia. Maybe that is why I’ve been a little reluctant in attending the Indonesian mix couple gatherings in Jakarta.

      I hear you on the little respects of marriage institution some women have here. My own parents marriage has been going through so much just because some girl had a different interpretation of my father’s friendly way or carrying himself at work. Then you got, cinta ditolak, dukun bertindak actions.

      Just read your blogs, Anita and I can really feel your pain. Thanks for sharing and your kind words. Hugs!

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