This is my story…my journey…
At first I didn’t want to write it down. Why? Because I was embarrassed. Until I read a really powerful post from one of the fitness lady I admire, Neghar Fonooni. Now please before you said but you are not as athletic as she is, I know! Her post made me look at my body differently.
Look at these pictures:
Quite a journey…I went from being overweight then two years ago I was at my fittest. No, I did not have six packs but my body fat level was at the lowest around 20% BUT I was in a hell lot of pain from my herniated discs. After my diagnosis, I quit working out with Chalean Extreme which I still regret to this very day because it is an awesome program. It worked! I shed many body fats using it. Yet, the movements became too painful for me. At first I was adamant and I gave it another shot…then my back would flare up again forcing me to stop. Being my stubborn self, I attempt to get back to CLX more than twice. Every time, I ended up with more pain.
Maybe it was my bad form but any hinge movements really took a toll on my back. So I kissed Chalean Extreme goodbye.
Luckily sciatica has been rare. A little soreness on the back mostly returns when I am stressed out.
Bless those who finished Chalean Extreme!
Other than dealing with my back, I later found myself in a deep personal struggle that I can’t share here. So fitness took such a back seat as I dealt with things from my past.
In the midst of that I fell in love…and it’s been a little over a year since I’m with my amazing man.
Then life threw me another curve ball.
I was diagnosed with uterine fibroid. A pretty big one and all the doctors I went to seem to think cutting me open is the cure. Well it is NOT the cure!
After doing my own research, I came to a conclusion that raw food diet is the best way to help my body fighting this thing housed inside my uterus. And so I began, I was much more focused on what to eat and I hardly do any workout. Green smoothies were my best friend!
While I rarely weigh myself, I know my weight was creeping up when my size 8 shorts that was a little loose in 2012 became too tight. I had gained some weight back.
Then as I return to the gym, I had my body fat measured. It was a staggering 30%! That number hit me hard. I mean I knew I was gaining weight but 30%? It’s as if I was back to where I first started before.
Did I let myself go?
Maybe I was doing something wrong? And I did found out what I was doing wrong but let’s save that for another post, yes?
But then I realized, I haven’t been fully loving my body…I have been trying yes but there’s always something to criticize. There are always some negative voices that I failed to shut up.
Even at my fittest, I was mean to me.
I realized until I change the way I talk to me, I will never be truly comfortable in my own skin no matter what I look like. As it turned out, the size of my pants doesn’t dictate my own happiness.
The weight doesn’t matter! What matter most now is to heal myself, to treat my body with utmost respect, to feed myself living food, to work out to keep me fit and healthy not just for the sake of ‘I-want-to-look-hot-in-a-bikini’!
Actually, I did rocked my bikini last December on our little beach getaway.
I am enjoying my new gym now and the classes. Who knew bosu pilates class can be so much fun while working on strengthening my core? Who knew I would love antigravity yoga so much? It’s no longer about how much weights I could lift, it’s more about how can I lift with perfect forms.
So starting today, June 1st, the first thing I did when I wake up is looking at myself in the mirror then smile from the heart. Feeling gratitude for a new day then say this affirmation I saw on Hungry For Change movie from Dr. Christiane Northrup and I am on a quest to give it a try for 30 days. I will also do this before bed as a way to end the day.
“I accept myself unconditionally right now.”
Such a simple line but powerful!
How do you reach that point where you come to totally love yourself? Have you been kind and loving to yourself today?