A Tall Order? The Man Criteria, Second Time Around

I honestly don’t know…”

My head shook as I tried to answer that one simple question one of my best friends asked.

After my world, my belief, my visions were shook to the core it is not easy to know what I want to find in a man anymore.

So her simple “What kind of man are you looking for?” caught me off guard. One that I can’t answer straight off the bats.

© Photographer Eduardkraft | Agency: Dreamstime.com

Should she asked me that a decade ago or so I would simply whip it out and lay down my list of ‘that ideal guy’ on the table with a passion.

Back then, I was a young naïve girl with a vision of what the perfect love is – or so I thought – but I knew what I wanted.

Fast forward to my nearly 33 years of living, after being a mother and a divorcee, things has changed…shifted.

When I looked back at my young naïve self, I saw how much she tend to see the world through that rose tinted glasses. A fantasy world she built came crumbling when the reality is not as sweet as her dreams. Of how easy she handed her heart out…to the wrong kind of guys.

Now, the things that didn’t even matter in my youngster years somehow made it to the list. Little things that young me failed to recognize are now becoming factors.

Mentally I no longer kept a list of my ‘perfect man’ as there is no such thing as a perfect man just like there’s no perfect girl out there.

What I envision now is someone who is not afraid of my past, who can understand where I’m coming from. Someone who knows that there will be moments where ghosts from my past emerged and scared me but I know I will win and cast them away for good. Above all, just like any other single moms out there…I see someone who can accept this little person that will be part of his life too. That is very important for me!

To love me is to love my boy too…

A tall order, I know.

But that’s just how it will be and I know he’s is out there.

So yeah, when I meet him I will know.

Are you a single mom/dad? Do you find your ‘list’ of that ideal man/woman changed after your divorce?



  1. February 3, 2012 / 11:14 pm

    I’m confident that you will find him. And he love you and your son because he was made for your life. I’m confident of that!

    • February 7, 2012 / 6:01 pm

      You’re a total sweetheart, Jessica. Thanks! 🙂

  2. February 4, 2012 / 12:08 am

    Love this. My list has changed a TON with age, and as my marriage has progressed (regressed?). That kind of guy is definitely out there, and waiting for him is SO worth it! You’ll find him! I love your confidence.

    • February 7, 2012 / 6:17 pm

      I think age also has a lot to do with factoring what we wants in a man isn’t? 🙂 Thanks for your kind words, Aubrey, you rock!

  3. February 4, 2012 / 6:49 pm

    I try not to keep a list. Off course there are some matches and some definite misses but it’s good to keep an open mind!

    You’ll find someone, I have no doubt 🙂

    • February 7, 2012 / 6:19 pm

      I’m with you on the open mind part. Sometimes what we get isn’t exactly what we ‘listed’ isn’t?
      Thanks, Gemma!

  4. February 5, 2012 / 9:44 am

    You write from the heart and I love it, especially, ‘To love me is to love my boy too…”

  5. February 6, 2012 / 1:16 am

    I find that with every divorce (yes, as you know there has been more than one!) the list continues to grow and change!! I think it’s okay to not have a defined list. Don’t box yourself in and just be open to whatever crosses your path, because you just never know!!

  6. February 6, 2012 / 10:05 am

    I know there will be someone out there. It took me two husbands to find my third, and he seems to be a winner after almost three years and going. 😉

  7. February 6, 2012 / 8:53 pm

    I think life makes us all change..
    I’m not divorced, but I have a totally different perspective on marriage nowadays.
    I know now, that marriage and love have absolutely nothing to do with the soap opera
    skipping through life kind of love that you see on television.
    I hope you find someone wonderful!

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