What Infidelities Did To Me


“When infidelity is swept under the rug too many times, the bump under the rug grows big enough to trip the person overlooking the affairs.” – Claudia Broome

What infidelities did to me:

1. It shattered my self-esteem.

Like a comet, infidelities hit my world and shred it to pieces. It made me wondering out loud what did he sees in her? Was it her tiny waist line? Was it her hopeful youth? Was it her innocence? Was it my undiagnosed PPD that pushed him to find solace somewhere else years later? Was it my stretch marks? It’s a daily battle to make myself believe that IT IS NOT ME, I may not be perfect, the marriage might be far from perfect in the first place but I cannot control his urge to find his fulfillment outside the marital lock.

2. I might never trust again.

How can I trust after what happened? It’s been almost 2 years now and I still very much struggle with this. When everything you thought was ‘real’ turned out to be nothing but lies, it will leave you second guessing everything you have known. Re-learning to trust again is HARD and this is why I had stepped back from the scary dating world. I can’t trust and to fake it is just too tiring. Would be unfair to ‘punish’ the next guy that come into my life for the ‘sins’ my ex husband did to me.

3. Insecurities.

How am I going to make it as a single mom? What if he bails out on my son? There are so many insecurities inside me about what the future will hold for me and my son. Will I even afford paying for his school if his father can’t? For now I surrender this all to the Higher Power, to my God.

4. Emotional roller coaster ride.

I read men moves faster into their future than women, on my case it was proven. Sometime I feel I’m still so hang up from my divorce that there’s still an overweight luggage that I’m dragging behind me even when I feel like I am moving on. The past still chains me down. There are moments where I can sing to Gloria Gaynor’s song whole heartedly and believing every words in that song that I WILL SURVIVE. Yet, there are slaps of moments where infidelities demons came and choke me all up. There are times where I asked my best friend to slap me hard because I was ‘pain shopping’ by snooping at their pictures together. One happy family! There are definitely good days and bad days.

5. Different Looks on Life:

I wore my blinders till I can’t see anymore. Now that my rose-tinted glass has been shattered I am seeing life differently. Sometimes I fear I may have become a skeptic. Questioning if men really can stay faithful. Seeing a couple, secretly I wonder how long they will last. If sacred vows even have any meanings these days. Infidelities gave me brand new glasses…realizing that I hold the key to my own happiness in this life is major. Divorce makes me take a hard look on me and infidelities made me realize I worth more than I gave myself credit for in the past. That I deserve to be with someone who knows how to love, who understands what commitment really means. Someone who won’t run into someone else’s arms when the going gets tough. Infidelities opened my eyes to see this strength inside me that I never thought even exist.

To fully recover from infidelities – yes on my case it was plural – is not an easy road. It’s a constant battle but it’s a journey. What I know is I am moving on. Maybe two steps forward, three steps back but it is a journey, MY journey.

Have you ever been on the receiving ends of infidelities? What have you learned from it?



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23 Comments on What Infidelities Did To Me

  1. Nami
    September 21, 2011 at 11:10 am (5 years ago)

    Oh, girl. You are definitely not alone in this boat. Fortunately, my husband is not the culprit – it was my first and boy, did I fall off that cliff pretty hard.

    In the end, it’s not a matter of whether you can trust another man – it’s whether you can trust yourself to see the signs. Sometimes, we get so caught up in the relationship, in doing the right thing, in being the good woman – that we turn a blind eye. Our hearts and instincts know what’s going on but our minds won’t wrap around it. During that time of feeling so low, like dirt, I read a lot of Carlos Castaneda books and agreed: You can’t fight the river.

    I am a Warrior. So Are You.
    Nami recently posted..Here She ComesMy Profile

    • Maureen
      September 22, 2011 at 9:03 pm (5 years ago)

      Nami you are a sweetheart! Thank you so much for your words and sharing your own ‘tips of survival’. One thing that strikes me the most is your line to trust ourselves…that is so very true. The signs were there all along even before I said “I do” but I did blinded my eyes and jumped head first to the marriage. Thanks again, my friend!

  2. Bicultural Mama
    September 21, 2011 at 6:50 pm (5 years ago)

    Marriage is suppose to be for better or worse, in sickness and health. Don’t blame yourself of the PPD, because a real man would have stood by your side through that and everything else. There are plenty of husbands who have wives who went through PPD and did not cheat. That was his choice, he chose to do this to his family because he was selfish.

    As for the trust issue, after getting hurt like this it will be hard to trust again. But people do find love again with someone who will treat them well and stay loyal so it is possible. It may not be now, it may not be in a few years. But when it’s right it will happen. Just concentrate on yourself and your son and let God handle the rest.
    Bicultural Mama recently posted..Baby & Toddler Bonanza Event – October 6My Profile

    • Maureen
      September 22, 2011 at 9:09 pm (5 years ago)

      Thank you for reminding me what a healthy marriage suppose to be, Maria. I admire those husbands who stick by their wives through the dark times of PPD and whatever life threw at them.
      That’s why I have stepped back from the dating world, I’m just not mentally ready yet so for now yes the focus is on my son and of healing myself.

  3. Rachel
    September 21, 2011 at 10:14 pm (5 years ago)

    Hi Maureen, I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while. I’m a single girl but I’ve long accepted that there are certain things in this world that are not meant to last forever. Try seeing a counselor who can help you deal with the issues that you still have. At this point, all you can do is move on and try to live a fabulously happy life in spite of your past. Just my two cents’ 🙂
    Rachel recently posted..LonelinessMy Profile

    • Maureen
      September 22, 2011 at 9:10 pm (5 years ago)

      Hi Rachel, I wish I could afford a counselor I really do been thinking I may need some help in dealing with these demons. I am trying to move on and yes hope I’ll have that fabulously happy life soon. Thanks, Rachel!

  4. John
    September 21, 2011 at 10:24 pm (5 years ago)

    Nope. It’s not an easy road recovering from this. I start to think I’m going okay and then suddenly there will be a flashback of some sort, I feel my blood pressure rising and it’s like another quick run around the roller coaster. Thankfully I’m not all wound up so often now; it’s mostly calm.
    But I do understand when you talk about the trust issue. I’m not there yet either, but it’s probably just not the time and place for me to get too involved with someone else yet, so I can wait. Good friendships help and so does keeping active and doing your thing. Not all men are bad, and I think a lot of people who seem bad are really more screwed up than bad anyway. When you’re in the right time and place there will be a good man for you. From all I read in your blog you seem like a good, smart, sensitive woman who would have an awful lot to offer someone. Sometime there’ll be someone who sees that and gives you back good things too. Salam hangat.

    • Maureen
      September 22, 2011 at 9:14 pm (5 years ago)

      John, thank you for sharing your experience and to validate that I am not crazy lol. That’s wonderful that you have your peace now. It means you have climbed up higher than me. Yes, not all men are bad and you are right some bad people does have issues of their own and we might never fully understand the reasons behind their actions or get the answers we wanted to hear. Thanks John!

      • John
        September 22, 2011 at 10:49 pm (5 years ago)

        haha.. mostly it’s peaceful but i’m not all the way there yet. It’s still hard when it comes to things like my daughter’s birthday and the other man is there, but i’m getting better at just ‘sucking it up’ when I have to. You take care, Maureen… I think you’re great!!

  5. T
    September 21, 2011 at 11:57 pm (5 years ago)

    I wrote a 10-part series on the blog about my infidelity. I’ve written about how both mine and my husband’s infidelities destroyed our marriage. I’ve also written about how infidelity has been a thread throughout my life from childhood to now. From family members to friends to myself to my (now ex) husband. I wrote how I would never believe in monogamy. I wrote about the doubts and trust issues I have still. (If interested, look on the blog under the category: infidelity.)

    I’ve been on all sides of infidelity and I can tell you one thing for certain:

    When someone cheats on you, it has NOTHING to do with you.

    Hang in there, momma.

    T recently posted..The way he kisses meMy Profile

    • Maureen
      September 22, 2011 at 9:16 pm (5 years ago)

      Hi T, thank you so much and thanks for letting me know about your own experiences with infidelity. I will be on my way to your blog to check it out. It will surely help me to understand more and to comprehend things that I sometimes feel I had no closure.

      Thanks again, T you rock!

  6. Sunithi
    September 22, 2011 at 12:15 am (5 years ago)

    Hi, Another moving piece from you straight from the heart ! keep sharing … you will help a lot of people who are going through the same stuff and wondering ….why .
    Just hold onto Gloria Gaynor’s song.. It is a fav of mine too 🙂 and know that when you look back a few years later… you will be able to see the “purpose” . Never blame yourself. I agree with Maria that a real man would have stood with you through PPD . You are a beautiful strong woman.. and whatever hurt people can dole out, they can never take away your beautiful soul 🙂 Hugz…. Keep yr chin up and keep writing 🙂
    Sunithi recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Scandalous Sandwiches !!My Profile

    • Maureen
      September 22, 2011 at 9:17 pm (5 years ago)

      Thanks Sue! I had accepted that it is what it is…it had served it’s purpose and one of them was to bring my son in this world which I will be forever thankful for. You are the best, Sue! Thank you!

  7. Jessica
    September 22, 2011 at 11:30 am (5 years ago)

    I have never been through this and I’m sorry to hear that you have. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be. It’s good to hear that you are learning more about yourself and that you are finding strength inside that you never knew about.
    Jessica recently posted..When I Am DrowningMy Profile

    • Maureen
      September 22, 2011 at 9:19 pm (5 years ago)

      Jessica, I told my best friend a lot that I would never wish the same thing to happen to anyone in this life. The pain is just too great. But yes, it opened up my eyes about a lot of things including my own strength. It was like I’ve been to hell and back 🙂 Thanks, Jessica!

  8. Sarah @ OneStarryNight
    September 22, 2011 at 12:12 pm (5 years ago)

    It took me maybe… 3 years to get over my ex-fiance (and DS1’s bio-father) and his cheating/stealing/lying/everything under the sun…

    It doesn’t hurt as much NOW but I still suffer from the emotional after effects. I am now married and still have a VERY hard time verbalizing “I love you” because I feel like if I SAY IT, it will open me up to another betrayal.

    I also have high anxiety and trust issues I never had before.

    If you ever need to talk I’m always available.
    Sarah @ OneStarryNight recently posted..Authentic BloggingMy Profile

    • Maureen
      September 22, 2011 at 9:21 pm (5 years ago)

      Sarah, thank you for opening up about your own experience on this. It helps to connect with people who understands what it’s like and to see how far you’ve come it is inspiring!

      I can relate to the “I love you”…I dated a guy briefly – rebounds – but when he blurted those words out it freaks the crap out of me and I just feel like I want to run far far away.

      The trusting part is really hard that’s why I think I should deal with my baggage first before even thinking about dating again.

      Thank you for reaching out to me, Sarah. It means so much!

      • John
        September 22, 2011 at 10:51 pm (5 years ago)

        would ‘freak the crap out of me’ too!!!

  9. ChopperPapa
    September 24, 2011 at 8:44 pm (5 years ago)

    You will trust again. I’m writing a post soon titled “The first step in getting over infidelity”….for many it isn’t going to be enjoyable.

    Hang in there. I talk often about my own experience under the ‘relationships’ tab. Maybe something will help your own journey.
    ChopperPapa recently posted..RetroRewind – One Band, three names, and a smoking’ hot lead singer.My Profile

  10. Dhi
    September 28, 2011 at 9:19 am (5 years ago)

    You’re one amazing woman, Yen. I’m so happy that you are surrounded with all these people who cares about you. *big hugs*


2Pingbacks & Trackbacks on What Infidelities Did To Me

  1. […] to stay strong and independent, trying to create positive focuses in my life to lift the spirit. Infidelities really did some damaged on my part that honestly I’m still working […]

  2. […] course, after dealing with infidelities it is very and I said very difficult for me  to trust […]

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