Videos That Build A Bridge

It happened last week…

As I was rummaging the shelf behind my computer desk aka office space, I saw that little black box. Dusty and all.

I had completely forgotten about this black box.


Until I plugged in the cables and connected it to my laptop.

There they are…history of my past life staring back at me hidden from folders after folders. Something I haven’t seen in ages.

Am I really ready?” my brain whispered quietly.

Yes…yes I am!” my heart snapped impatiently.

My finger clicked on that folder that says “Old PC Files”, bursting out pictures after pictures of me and Mr. X way before the Boy was born. The dates, with my family, the simple wedding in Upstate NY, the gatherings with other Indonesian people in Upstate NY, the dog, the first snow, down to the first cookie I had ever baked…everything that was part of my past laid out on my screen. Some of them went back as far as from 8 years ago.


Funny enough, I don’t feel much. Yes, those pictures screamed about the love Mr. X and I used to have but that chapter has ended and I’ve come to accepted it without a qualm.

My mouse hover over that folder “Alexander”…

The first two years of my boy’s life came flashing right in front of my eyes.

From pregnancy pictures…you know the famous belly shots from weeks to weeks? Yeah, I had tons of them to his very first pictures post my emergency c-section. It was all there.

It wasn’t until I started going through the videos that the water works started.

Going through those videos, seeing how much my tiny baby grew just got to me in a way I can’t even describe. He was such a tiny baby being born 5 weeks early. Some of the videos made me laugh and got a serious baby fever. How can you resist this face?

Seeing how his father always made him coo, smile and laugh from he was a baby really got me choked up. There are so many videos of them together.

Bitter sweet feelings came crashing over me and I swallowed hard. We were a happy family once and these videos proofed that.

He’s a good Daddy, I have to give him that credit and that’s why the Boy adored him wholeheartedly.

The next day, I told Mr. X that I’ve found Boy’s baby videos.

Can you copy them for me?” he message me back.


Then I did something that maybe stupid but before I knew it I had sent this message “Can I ask you something?

After reading his OK, these words “Did I ever made you happy back then?” was sent his way. Maybe I should’ve kicked myself in the butt for asking such question to him.

Yes, you did…the problem was you weren’t happy.

And to that I admitted I wasn’t happy but didn’t know what’s wrong but I told him I am now a much happier person.

I know you are happy now.” He said. “If only you found that happiness before maybe things might have been different.”

WOA, wait what???? I felt like saying woah timeout, dude! Say what???

Of course he knew I am happier now, I look way better than I’ve ever been and mentally I’m in a far happier place than I’ve ever been. And I knew he was staring at me when he came to picked the Boy up after 3 weeks of not seeing his son.

Then it hits me.

It doesn’t really matter anymore. Yes, we were once a happy family but that’s long gone and he and I has chosen our own ways to find that happiness. What connected us forever is this Boy. That is all. Do I still love him? No, not anymore but I do care for him enough because he is the father of my boy. I pray for his well being because my son needs him. He and I had came a long way to reach this level or being able to actually crack up jokes and talk without me feeling like I want to punch him.

These videos shows he is a good father…the father of my son. No women can erase that from my son’s life. Divorce can’t wipe away that bond they have and this is why I was adamant of co-parenting.

These old videos bear witness to the good times he and I shared with our son. Yes, it wasn’t easy watching them but it shows me that even after divorce, after life goes on…one thing remain. We love the little man born out of that short lived marriage.

If you are divorced, what did you do with your old memories like videos and pictures?



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25 Comments on Videos That Build A Bridge

  1. Veny
    August 28, 2012 at 7:29 pm (4 years ago)

    I haven’t been here for a while and saw this post on your Facebook page, and I read it and I had tears welling up. *big-hug* and good on you. I might not have been divorced, but I know that feeling of being okay and happy and looking back, and wishing that other person well. I am happy you are where you are now, Maureen.

    And yes, I hate you for looking so good these days! Huh! *shifting blame on my lack of motivation.

    Veny recently posted..Rediscovering Singapore | 4. Personal Tips & RecommendationsMy Profile

    • Maureen
      August 30, 2012 at 8:17 pm (4 years ago)

      Aww thank you so much, girl! It’s been a long journey but I realized I’ve finally let go of the last pieces of resentments that I kept for way too long.
      Hahahaha thanks, girl. It helps me to reach this point of being able to finally let go.

  2. chavalene
    August 28, 2012 at 7:43 pm (4 years ago)

    I keep it darling, put in in specific folder….whatever happened in the past is just part of the journey. I somehow looked at Kayla’s dad pic on how he wiped her hahahaha..quite funny tho.. well I need to keep those pics and video to show it to Kayla.. it was part of her journey isn’t it? what important now is how we living our live and embracing the future…. bottom up girl ahahhahahahaa

    • Maureen
      August 30, 2012 at 8:18 pm (4 years ago)

      Thanks for sharing, dear. I showed Alex the DVD and he totally love it. Kayla will love it too one day. It is part of our children’s histories that cannot be erase no matter what happened between their parents. Oh yeah, when is the next party? Hahahaha

  3. Bicultural Mama
    August 29, 2012 at 12:17 am (4 years ago)

    It’s always emotional to see memories of the past. What surprised me was that your ex obviously is blaming you for your split. But what ever happened to “in sickness and in health?” You had postpartum depression and you needed him there to support you, now turn away because it was “‘too hard.” It takes 2 to make a relationship work through the hard times.
    Bicultural Mama recently posted..New ‘Disney Junior Night Lights’ Airs September 6My Profile

    • Maureen
      August 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm (4 years ago)

      Maria actually I did realized that after that talk and I know I could go crazy with resentment and anger again but it’s no use anymore. Somehow I feel like I’ve been holding on to a hot coal with an intention to throw it at him but I never did so it ended up just burning myself. I knew what happened and so did he. That trick of him shifting the blame on me used to work but not anymore so I just ignore it. 🙂 Thank you for realizing that too you always rock!

  4. Jessica
    August 30, 2012 at 9:30 am (4 years ago)

    I love your honesty, Maureen. I’m so happy that you’re in a good place and that your ex is a great dad.

    • Maureen
      August 30, 2012 at 8:22 pm (4 years ago)

      Thank you Jessica. He is a great dad despite his ‘dark’ side.

  5. Alison
    August 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm (4 years ago)

    Oh the video of him – I love! I watch videos of the Monkey when he was a baby, and yes, I still get all choked up so I totally get where you’re coming from.

    Of course for you, the emotions run deep because of your different circumstances. But I’m so glad you’ve picked up the pieces and moved on with your life. AND LOOKING FABULOUS doing it!!
    Alison recently posted..One On OneMy Profile

    • Maureen
      September 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm (4 years ago)

      Thank you so much, Alison 🙂 Yeah, those baby videos will get you every time!

    • Maureen
      September 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm (4 years ago)

      Thank you Melly, luckily I don’t save the video on my laptop but on an external hard drive lol

  6. Jen Burden @WorldMomsBlog
    September 5, 2012 at 10:58 am (4 years ago)

    Really moving post, Maureen. You have come so far. I hope that these communications with Mr. X can help heal any pain left inside and help you both move forward. I love the baby video of your son!

    Jen 🙂
    Jen Burden @WorldMomsBlog recently posted..POLAND: (Self)Portrait of a mother(hood)My Profile

    • Maureen
      September 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm (4 years ago)

      Jen, thank you so much. We have been quite civil for months but I’ve always resent him and what happened to us subconsciously until that day when I realize I was still holding on to anger. Letting it go felt so good 🙂

  7. June
    September 5, 2012 at 9:35 pm (4 years ago)

    Beautiful post, Maureen. Thank you for sharing this. I can see how far you’ve come and how strong you’ve grown. I pray that lots more beauty and surprise unfold for you and your little cutie. Ps> He is too cute!
    June recently posted..What is love to a child?My Profile

  8. Kim at Mama Mzungu
    September 8, 2012 at 6:39 pm (4 years ago)

    Wow. those are tough and bittersweet memories to relive. But it sounds like you are in a really good place now. I guess in some sense we are lucky to have these devises to relive our pasts, but it’s a double edged sword too. Great post!
    Kim at Mama Mzungu recently posted..Village Stay: Spare the Kiboko, Spoil the MtotoMy Profile

  9. Galit Breen
    September 8, 2012 at 6:55 pm (4 years ago)

    This is such a beautiful, raw piece. You shared so much of your heart here.

    The biggest thing that strikes me is how aware and thoughtful you are of happiness – yours, Mr.X’s, your son’s. That? Is so very inspiring.

    {Loved this read, thank you.}
    Galit Breen recently posted..Mother Daughter JournalsMy Profile

  10. Jennifer Prestholdt
    September 8, 2012 at 9:22 pm (4 years ago)

    Wow! What a powerful place you are in. You rock! Thanks for sharing your heart and your wisdom.

  11. Nami
    September 9, 2012 at 5:09 am (4 years ago)

    You sure are brave to watch those videos and come out smelling like roses. You are beyond those times and your ex. By the way, I think for him to blame your unhappiness as a factor in your breakup is a cop-out. Marriage is “supposed” to be for better or for worse and that means, you don’t bail! Well, you’re happy now, and that’s what counts the most, right?
    Nami recently posted..Would You Believe, Terrified?My Profile

  12. Mom Photographer
    September 10, 2012 at 12:33 am (4 years ago)

    oh… Maureen, I am so sorry that you had go through all of it. I have a friend who is going through a divorce now, and it’s a terrible period for her!
    They what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger! I am so in awe that you moved on with your life and it seems like you’re doing so good, and that you;re happy. That’s what most important!

  13. deborah quinn
    September 10, 2012 at 5:50 pm (4 years ago)

    wonderful that you can have this experience of looking back, not in anger, but in acceptance and wisdom. That says a great deal about you – and it also is a great thing for The Boy, who won’t grow up with parents fighting with each other over him…
    deborah quinn recently posted..Saturday’s Snapshot (surat al-sabt) لقطة السبتMy Profile

  14. Jessica
    September 10, 2012 at 7:02 pm (4 years ago)

    I separated from my oldest’s dad when she was an infant and videos and pictures have the opposite effect on me. They make me realize how much he wasn’t there for. It no longer infuriates me though. I actually feel bad for him, he’s missed out on a great life.

  15. Ruth
    September 11, 2012 at 8:30 pm (4 years ago)

    Tears were swimming in my eyes as I read this post. You’ve gone through a lot, and I’m so happy that you’ve emerged stronger and happier. Praying that when you’re ready, you will find a new love that will be just perfect. I love that video. Your son was so so cute as a baby! And he’s now a handsome boy!
    Ruth recently posted..Live. Simply.My Profile

  16. Tressabel Hutasoit
    February 25, 2013 at 1:35 pm (4 years ago)

    Dear ScoopsofJoy,
    Thank you for sharing such a wonderful post. I am a divorcée too and I recently just bumped into the so-called past…in person. I think you are in the stage of where I am now and I am glad for that! Well done! You are right, nothing matters anymore, lucky you, you have that sweet little bot who will always be a reminder of how you have experienced amazing moments in life…no matter how it ended.
    Oh, this is how I dealt with the encounter 🙂
    Tressabel Hutasoit recently posted..Awesome Monday: Awesome Girl on FireMy Profile


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