As a blogger, nothing feels better than knowing someone took the time to leave you a deep meaningful reply in response to you bleeding your heart out in words.
As a writer, it makes you want to keep on writing when you read others sharing their own stories, telling you how they went through similar things and how they feels what you felt.
It almost made all of the pain worthwhile to be able to share and to listen to others stories.
There’s an invisible bond between us single moms…
To know that there is another soul who went through the same things I did, similar stories, experiences and journeys…felt like a validation that maybe boldly sharing my raw life to this online world really has a meaning.
So last night as my Facebook profile exploded from so many notifications of well wishes and congratulations from dear friends and family across the globe about me changing my Facebook status to be engaged, to hear a friend telling me how she felt about my blog…I got choked up and tears welled in my eyes.
Thank you dear friend, you know who you are and I’m sorry if my posts sometimes made you cry in the office!
Writing has been and will always be my therapy…pouring my tangled trains of thoughts into words although sometimes difficult turned out to help me tremendously.
As I celebrated sharing happy news of our engagement last night, I came to realize how far I have come. It felt like such a pivotal moment in my life. I had shared my journey online in an online community of mixed couples before I got married the first time, the forum shut down a long time ago. I revealed my separation then divorce on this blog and I was grateful how my online friends gathered around me giving me their love and support. My struggles were all written here bearing witness to how far I had come along.
Act of Courage
It does take courage…
At the time, I didn’t realize how my decision to leave turned out to be an act of courage. If you asked me then, I would have probably just bawled my eyes out from the pain. Courage? What courage? All I knew and saw was just pain, hell and heartache.
As I stepped further away from the epic center of divorce…I began to gain some strength. I had to. I was scared yes…but really, I didn’t have any other choice but to survive. I have a dear boy who needs me. There were moments where I couldn’t mother him, out of dealing with my own pain and sorrow. I thank my family for helping me through the darkest times.
It took a lot of soul searching to finally come to terms with what happened. Life didn’t get better in an instant. There are no quick fix remedies to heal. Now I can honestly say that the reason why I had to go through divorce is just because our stories ended there. There’s no mistake. I regret nothing. He and I had to part ways and I am grateful for him because something beautiful came out of the marriage…this little boy of ours. Our boy that will forever link us.
To me it feels like I had to be broken so I could be rebuilt into the better version of me possible. Should I look back and see the woman I was 5 years ago, I feel for her. I used to be so angry at myself. Treated myself so badly, I was my very own bully! I didn’t know better. Now that I know better, I am doing so much better.
Does it take courage to say Yes again?
Yes it does, it is a major life decision…but life is so different for me now than it was before. Deep in my heart and soul I know this time around things are different and we are making the right choice. Dan doesn’t complete me…both of us are whole. We love each other and we have found our home as a couple.
Saying yes came naturally as I believe Dan and I are meant to be together. We wish to be together for all the right reasons. With him I know what love really is. Unconditional love. The kind of love that nourishes your soul too, that challenges you to reach the full potential of yourself. I am so very grateful to have him in my life. I could go on and on about how much I love him and how much he means to me but I think you know that by now.
He is the one…
If you were divorced before, what gives you the courage to say yes again to get marry again? Share with me in the comment box below. Thank you.