“I don’t know why I’m scared ’cause I’ve been here before
Every feeling, every word, I’ve imagined it all,
You’ll never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine”
Adele’s One And Only song speaks volume to me and pull on my heartstrings.
Why? Because I was scared. It felt like a déjà vu…yes I’ve been here before in this place albeit different settings, different casts…
So what a traumatize single mom to do? She shut down again. Build the wall higher and tried to push this person away when she saw the horror stories of her past battles didn’t scare him a bit. Instead, he stood there smiling and said he understands.
He took his time, he sat down and listened patiently…to every single story, every single pain…as she opened up that suitcase that had been dragging behind her for nearly two years. She sorted them out by retelling the why, the what, and the when. She unfolds everything even the things that little to no one knows about. He made her feel secure enough to do that. “Let it all out…then you can move on.” That’s all he would say when she can see him smiling as she apologized for the hundred times and wiped her tears.
It took weeks…
But he sticks around, he keeps knocking at her door with admirable persistence even when she blocked him out and tell him to leave her alone. That she’s not ready, period! Yet he stays, he never leaves, never give up.
Then somehow, someway the walls just started crumbling down. He took her hand and showed her how nice it feels to be back out there.
“Thank you for knocking these walls down…” she whispered.
“You opened the door and let me in. I just help you knock it down a little bit but it was mostly you. You are taking chances…” His eyes are ever so softly embrace her.
On Taking Chances
It has been a long journey for her. Will be exactly two years in a few weeks but she’s relearning to trust again. Most importantly, she’s learning to trust herself. Believing in her judgments and put faith in them.
She’s taking baby steps and even when she still have doubts and fears coming back once in awhile, she had made up her mind.
Life has given her the freedom to move on and pursue a healthier relationship ahead and it’s been a gift. A gift that put her faith back in love and hope.
As she takes a look at herself now she can see healing from that past trauma…her inner self is healing and her once shred to pieces heart can actually feel something again. Those eyes offered her the chance to heal the final parts of her heart and allow her to trust again.
She thought she wasn’t ready and to let her guards down did make her feels vulnerable yet that presence of an understanding soul, a patience gentle tenderness cast her fears away. So she took the baby steps.
Her eyes are now opened and recognize that she needs to stop assuming love will fail and she must allow herself to take that risks.
“Let it flow naturally…” she told herself and take that plunge.
She is giving love a second chance!