Loving My Body

You have no rights to talk to yourself like that, darling!

And I froze…

You need to stop talking about yourself that way…

I stumble trying to come up with some sentences in my head. What am I suppose to say to that when he caught me like that.

I stare at my hands, hoping they could form a sentence, some kinds of self defense but I failed miserably.

“I know…” that’s all I could faintly whispered before a tear escaped.

Be Nice

M, you are beautiful. You need to see what I see in you. Your body is beautiful.

And to that the waterworks started again.

Looking back, I am so used to say negative things about my body; it’s like a second nature. For years I hated what I saw in the mirror. All I could think of are the imperfections, the little things I would like to change if I could have it my way. Even back to my pre-baby body I thought I was fat!

The mommy pooch aka lower tummy, the sagging breasts, the …I could go on and on. Practically ripping my body apart with negative words. Picking what I want to change and forgot to appreciate what I do have. I couldn’t see my own beauty.

In my head I still feel fat…a lot of the times.

Because I am taller than most of my friends – standing only 5’5” I’m so used to be the tall ones – I still feel big when I stand next to my tiny petite friends.

Growing up, I allowed myself to be brainwashed and think that beautiful = skinny, light skinned, straight black hair…the typical ‘beauty standards’ of Asian countries.

Yes, I got over the light skins ‘demand’. Actually, I’ve come to love my darker complexions and I LOVE to get tanned and I avoided skin whitening products of any forms!

Subconsciously, I was stuck in that “I was fat, therefore I will always be fat” mentality. Plus, it’s so much easier to repeatedly saying those labels than forming a new habit of praising me and my body. I sometimes forget how far along I’ve come in my journey to be healthy.

Being caught off guard like that really got me thinking. Really challenge me to shines a different light and examine myself closely.

The journey of self love…There are definitely good days, there are bad days and you bet I will write more about forming a new habit of self love. Today I am thankful for my scars, yes I may have stretch marks on my tummy but it’s my motherhood badge of honor. I am thankful for strong arms and strong legs.

I am no longer fat…

I am fit…

I am strong…

I am healthier…

I feel good…I am happy!

My body is still a work in progress and my goals are not those ripped six packs – although it wouldn’t hurt to have them – I will continue to be thankful for the chances to nourish my body, to take care of it in the best way possible through clean eating and exercising. In order for me to be around for awhile and be there for my boy then I must take good care of myself.

I no longer feel envious of those tiny petite girls here because I know skinny doesn’t mean you are healthy.

Love your body

How bout you? Do you have body image issues? How did you learned to fully love your body, your curve?




Lifestyle and travel blogger, founder of Single Moms Indonesia on a quest of finding joy in everyday life and living life to the fullest with kindness, compassion, grace and a bit of sass.

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  1. May 6, 2013 / 6:06 pm

    I used to be teased for being stick thin, when we were teens, so it seems you can’t win – whatever shape you are, someone will enjoy teasing you for it! (Especially since kids just like to be mean.) Now I’m far more curvy, and I’m happy with that… I try to concentrate on being healthy, rather than worrying about my size and shape.
    Rachel Cotterill recently posted..IFTTT for Bloggers: 5 Time-Saving IdeasMy Profile

    • Maureen
      May 13, 2013 / 1:31 pm

      Being healthy is very important, far more important than fitting into what the society, what the media tell us of the ‘ideal’ body. Kids can be really mean, I grew up a skinny kid but got fat in junior high. That was rough. Thank you for sharing your own experience, Rachel 🙂

    • Maureen
      May 13, 2013 / 1:33 pm

      Thank you, Alison 🙂

    • Maureen
      May 13, 2013 / 1:33 pm

      Thank you, Amanda 🙂

  2. May 7, 2013 / 10:54 pm

    Here, here! Yes, you are beautiful!

    • Maureen
      May 13, 2013 / 1:36 pm

      Thank you Rachel 🙂

  3. May 10, 2013 / 2:24 am

    I love this post, though, I hate that you sometimes think you look fat. 🙁 You are not fat! You are beautiful and fabulous and everything else wonderful. Seriously!

    It is hard to change the narratives in our heads that we have about ourselves. But we have to change them! Make “I am beautiful” your mantra and say it over and over and over again until you really believe it! When I look at you, I see beauty and I hope you always see that, too, when you look in the mirror! 🙂
    Jessica recently posted..10 “Lean In” Quotes for All WomenMy Profile

    • Maureen
      May 13, 2013 / 1:40 pm

      Thank you Jessica. It really is a journey to fully being able to look at myself in the mirror everyday and say “I love you…you are wonderful, you are beautiful.” I need to change the narrative in my head like you said.

      Your kind words really make me smile. Thank you, girl 🙂

  4. Mesa
    May 30, 2013 / 1:09 am

    Dear Maureen,

    Growing up in Indonesia, I knew exactly how it feels like to be the “different” one. Just like yourself, I’m not the average Indonesian girl. I was gifted with a curvy figure, yet it was difficult for me to appreciate what I have when everybody around me is fun-size. At the peak of my frustration, I spent three month worth of salary to enroll in of those slimming programs, where they criticized me for being overweight (when in truth I wasn’t) and accused me of having given birth because of my wide hips and ample behind (when in truth the mere thought of having kids gives me the shiver). The program did help me lose a lot of weight, but the “chubby” girl inside of me refused to go away and I ended up feeling fat anyway.

    I moved to the US to obtain my Ph.D. three years ago, and living here opened up my eyes. We’re all born with various physical features and we all can be beautiful if we have the correct mindset. I have now gained all the weight I lost, even add a few extra kgs, and I’ve never felt happier about myself. Looking back at all the effort I made to look just like everybody else, I realize how foolish I was. I could’ve used that weight-loss money for travelling. I could’ve bought my parents something nice. I could’ve paid for the cooking class I’ve always wanted to join.

    Thank you for writing this entry. It makes me realize more and more how I’ve been treating myself wrong.

  5. September 25, 2013 / 5:36 am

    I’ve always loved that saying! Have you read May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein? I’m reading it now. You might like it! P.S. I know how you feel about being taller than your friends. I’m 5’8 so I can’t wear heels or I tower over them! Haha. Happy SITS day btw. 🙂

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