“I wanna scream ’til the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I’m not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it” – Read All About It, Pt.III – Emeli Sande
So I keep on writing, writing like a mad woman nonetheless.
Lately I even started to feel like the reasons I come to work daily is just so I could write.
My words, they are raw they might give an editor a big huge headache one day but I don’t care right now.
I am bleeding…
These words needs to come out of me, transferred into strings of sentences that bears stories, the truth even when it hurts.
For me to connect words together I must revisit those moments in times, to face it one more time and extract the story out. And it wasn’t an easy walk down memory lanes. Rummaging through my mind and heart’s memory boxes after boxes can be really draining.
You can see me quietly dabbed my eyes with tissues wishing no one pays me any attention when that visit to the past became unbearably too painful.
“Cry if you must to, darling.” He would lift my spirit up when I feel like throwing my hands in the air and just quit. I could come up with so many reasons why I should stop.
Yet I didn’t give up even when sometimes I wanted to. I choose to go on. I need to write…I must write them out.
I wonder if I could possibly detach myself and just write away…but truth is I can’t. It’s the feelings, the emotions that bring out the words. To me they go hands in hands.
The pain came from looking at myself in well, the old me. How broken I was. It pained me so much I cried for her. For my old self. She didn’t know any better. She was so broken deep inside.
So I let my heart continue to bleed out these words…
One day I will stand tall and proud with these words in my hand and say “This came from the heart. From tears and pain.”
Until then I shall keep on writing.
How do you keep on writing?
PS: My first ever giveaway is still open. Have you join yet?
Big shoutout of thank you to the ever so awesome Alison from Writing, Wishing because her last post inspired this one!