photo credit: christine zenino
His voice trembled. Pain, like sharp little broken glass under my bare feet crept in. Closed my eyes as I fought back the tears.
“Don’t worry…come home…” he went on, there was a cracked in his voice as he told me he loves me and my son.
That was nearly two years ago as I went back to
our apartment to picked up my stuffs and that man on the other line was my father trying to give me strength all the way from Africa.
Since that day I have been home under my parents’ wings once again. Their love engulfs me like angel’s wings during my darkest times. They are my pillars.
Yes, there were frictions when it all first started. My mother said something that felt like a punch to my face. I know she never meant to hurt me but I was in a state where it was too painful to hear “You shouldn’t trust him with his business trips alone…” Her words pushed me off the wall and I who never talked back to my parents out of respects snapped! It was ugly.
She didn’t know…
Until I finally broke down and told everything that had happened. Told her why I ‘disappeared’ for nearly a whole month in China. She cried, I cried, we both cried and she held me tight praying to God to mend my broken heart, she prayed God will mend my broken marriage. I saw her heart broken behind her eyes.
There are times where I feel like I failed them too. Me, the strong independent only daughter who left the nest at the tender age of 15 had came home broken, ruined with a child.
There are times where I can see the pain in my father’s eyes and it kills me inside. Me, his baby girl…
“She’s a grown up women now. If she feels this is the right decision then we support her 110%. But…promise me that you will return her to us if things don’t work out between the two of you. Divorce is a big no-no in our family.” That was his request to Mr. X when he came to see my father and asked for his blessings.
A promise he failed to keep…
Oh the shame…as the only daughter, the first to got married I feel like I failed them. Failed to set a good example to my younger brothers.
It took times for them to accept that I wear the crown as the only person in our family’s history to ever get divorced and it hasn’t been easy.
How I prayed that my father’s bad heart wouldn’t get affected by all those mess and God did listened. Him, my father remained strong and cool headed throughout the times. But I know he is hurting for me…because of me.
I failed them…I wasn’t a good enough daughter for them. Failed to keep the no-divorce foundation that is within our big family. I was embarrassed and guilt weighs me down heavily.
Until one of my aunts wiped my self-pity dark window and let me see through it.
“No matter what, they will always love you and accept you for who you are. The good and the bad. That’s what parents does. They are hurting because they see you are still hurting.” She reached my hand and held it while I sat there in tears.
“They might not like divorce but sometimes God has other plans for your life…”
Yes, I may wear the crown as a divorcee but I am rebuilding my life. I am worthy of their love because I am their daughter. No matter what…I am good enough for them. I am still their only daughter and they are still my parents. They are the roots inside me that will never go away. All they want is to see my happy.
They share my sadness, my pain but they also rejoice with my happiness, my success. They taught me what parenting is all about; to love unconditionally with a love that only parents can understand.
I am good enough daughter for them…
I am linking up with Just Be Enough again this Monday. Head over there to read more powerful inspiring stories of courage, strength, and love to one’s self.