I Am A Quitter

It’s time for me to be a quitter!

Yup, you read that right, folks.

With everything that happened in my life recently. Being diagnosed with herniated discs, unable to work out plus one more ordeal that I chose not to reveal here made me took my head out of the sands.


To face one last huge demons in my life.

To quit smoking.

With the help of Allen Carr’s book I realized I am a drug addict. I am addicted to nicotine. The book opened my eyes of how much I’ve been using smoking as an excuse, as a crutch while choking myself.

All of you smokers/ex smokers knows how badly smoking is. All of those scary diseases out there, we very well aware of them. But my mentality has always been “Oh, that wouldn’t happen to me.

Sad, right?

I’ve been smoking since I was in college. The only time I stopped was when I got pregnant and breastfeeding.

As soon as I stopped breastfeeding, I lit up that nasty thing again.

I always thought it helped me coping with stressful times, with sadness, with the emptiness I feel inside.

It was my crutch.

I was one of those people who rushed out of the airport to get their fixed after a 12+ hours flights. One early autumn in 2008, I landed in JFK with my son after a long flight from Jakarta on our way to see ex-in-laws in Florida. My body craved the nicotine so I pushed my son’s stroller outside after bundled him up with his jacket just so I could have my fixed. I had bladder problem – or so I made it looks like – to excused myself out of social events to have a puff or more outside.

Mr. X is a smoker, I grew up with parents who used to be heavy smokers. I live in a country where just about everyone smokes.

Mind you, I thought I was doing good by not smoking indoor, away from my son. Doesn’t matter really isn’t? I was hooked.

Working out has make me feel a lot better but my breathing? Not so much! This realization came after only one lap of swimming as part of my physical therapy to heal my back. I was out of breathe like no body’s business. The nicotine did this!

After 13+ years of being a smoker, I know this ugly addiction is slowly ruining my life. Who am I kidding but my own self? All the working out I did will amount to nothing while I still inhale these toxic poisons!

I still remember how much my sense of smelling was improved when I stopped smoking during my pregnancy and I actually enjoyed it. What a wonderful thing that I haven’t experience since.

Making the conscious decision to quit, I am now on my 7th days of being a non-smoker and I feel fantastic! I am killing the big demons in my brain that had enslaved me for years. Of course there were days where I got so miserable and thought I would definitely lit up by now but then I realized it wouldn’t make the stress go away. It wouldn’t change a thing so why bother! Wish me luck, folks!

Are you an ex-smoker? How did you quit? What has been the hardest part of quitting? 



  1. November 2, 2012 / 10:43 am

    Good for you Maureen!

    As a former smoker (eek, don’t tell my parents), I know what it’s like. I was never a heavy smoker, maybe 5-10 a day at most. I started in university when I was 20, and I was a social one. Off and on. I would go years without smoking, then picked it up again when I was in my mid-20’s, for about 5 years. I have quit many times, only to start again. In 2008, I quit for good when I FINALLY realized that I was doing myself a lot of harm (especially since I’m asthmatic – I know right? So stupid). Since then, I’ve not craved a cigarette. In fact, I can’t stand the smell!

    So proud of you, you can do this!

    • Mo
      November 6, 2012 / 10:53 am

      Yup sounds like you were a social smoker, Alison 😀 I was hooked. That’s so awesome that you can quit for good! Oh I remember when I quit during my pregnancy, I can’t even stand the smell on my ex because he smokes. My sense of smell had came back and boy, I almost forgot how stinky the smell really is lol.

      Thanks so much, my friend!

  2. November 2, 2012 / 6:14 pm

    I quit since I was pregnant with my first son. That was 4 years ago. Right now I am a social smoker. Not every day and not every time. But I am so confident with myself that I won’t be a smoker again!

    • Mo
      November 6, 2012 / 10:55 am

      That’s good for you Rina 🙂
      I plan to not be a social smoker and stick with quitting for good. Last weekend, I went out with my friends and after dinner they wanted to hang out for a few drinks. Usually, booze means cigarette…but that night I managed to enjoy a bottle of beer without puffing anything and it felt like such a huge milestones in a room where just about everyone smokes I can hang out with my non-smoking friends and still have a good time

      • November 6, 2012 / 9:24 pm

        You know when hang out there is always ‘racun’ in the crowd. Those who will put the pack in front of your face and say “c’mon just one..it’s okaaay!”. That is my weakness so far the reason..err…excuse for me being social smoker 😀

  3. November 2, 2012 / 7:47 pm

    Wow – way to go! I encourage you in this very serious endeavour. Quitting smoking is no small task, and it will be a struggle, but you have proved yourself to be up to the challenge with the way you live and the way you love your family. Praying for strength and courage to move forward in this very important step!

    • Mo
      November 6, 2012 / 10:57 am

      Thank you Andrea.
      I’ve read that nicotine is more addictive than heroin so it’s not easy but once I change my mindset every day felt a bit easier. Your prayer is really appreciated, that’s what actually help me. The faith to keep going and to ask for divine intervention to help me through this. Really appreciate your kind words!

  4. Saundra Rohn
    November 3, 2012 / 4:13 am

    OMGosh!!!!!!!!!!! I’m thrilled. Fantastic doing cart wheels, shouting for joy!!!!!!!!’ Wish I was there to dance around the room with you!
    Hallelujah Praise The Lord!!!!!!!!!!
    Love you my wonderful daughter
    You can do it!!!!!!!!!!

    • Mo
      November 6, 2012 / 11:00 am

      LOL Thank you Mom 🙂

  5. November 3, 2012 / 3:05 pm

    Hi Maureen,
    I’ll start of saying “Good for you”. Ok, I’ll admit, I smoke. But nowadays – in Holland – you are treated like a paria, scum, outcast… Sure, I said to myself “You can do it!” and I know I can, because I stopped smoking a whole year a few years back. So I can do it.
    But *why* don’t I stop smoking? That’s mainly because I’m very good at making excuses for myself. Like “My dad smokes, he’s 83 and still going strong”… All pretty much BS if you ask me.
    It boils down to wanting to stop smoking (or any other addiction) for *yourself* and no one else. Do I want to stop smoking? YES. Do I need to stop smoking? YES. Do I still make up lame excuses? YES.

    Therefore: “Hail to you, Maureen.”!

    • Mo
      November 6, 2012 / 11:02 am

      Hi Jan,
      That’s the exact opposite here, most people smokes here. Non-smokers is pretty much the minority here. A lot of my friends smokes but I also have circle of friends who doesn’t smokes.
      I highly recommend that book from Allen Carr, it worked for me.
      My parents used to be a chain smokers too but they’ve quit way before I did.
      Thanks for sharing, Jan 🙂

  6. November 3, 2012 / 11:13 pm

    Maureen, I’m so, so, so proud of you for taking this step!! I believe once you’ve made up your mind, you will be able to achieve it. My dad was a smoker and he ended up with TB. I was very young, maybe abt 5 or 6, I can’t remember. But I remember the fears and worries… what if we got it too, and we had to go for regular checkups. Then there were the financial worries, because dad was the sole breadwinner. Thankfully he recovered and we were ok too. So for the sake of yourself and your son, quit. You can do it! Like my dad, the moment he decided to quit, he stopped totally. Not even by cutting down. Or maybe because he was sick and he had no choice. But I remember he did it without complaining and I admire his determination. I believe your son will feel the same too, about you. You can do this!

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