I was an overbearing mother.
There, I said it.
The once premature baby is no longer a helpless little baby who only weighs less than 3 pounds when we took him home after spending a week in NICU after he was born 5 weeks early.
He is nearly 9 years old and he is in 3rd grade now.
Yes, he have his insecurities and other issues that we are currently still dealing with but in general he is a sweet boy.
Maybe it’s the thought of doing it alone…the single motherhood thing that made me became overbearing, over protective. I feel like I constantly have to be the one who hold the disciplinarian duty. Living with dotting grand mother? He is spoiled rotten! I have to hold the fort while juggling everything else in the quotation of being a single mom.
You name it, I am doing it alone – or so I used to.
Lately I have been releasing that needs to control every single thing, to micro manage less because the weights of trying to do it alone for over 5 years were starting to weighing me down too much that it created a bad situation for my dear boy and for me.
Mentally I was exhausted all the time. Emotionally, I was fried.
Yes, my family has been helping me tremendously, so technically I do have some support and for that I am grateful. Yet I did not involve my ex husband, the father of my son as much as I suppose to.
I took the part of being mother and father to him because I thought that was the right thing to do. I thought my ex and I has been co-parenting quite well throughout the years but clearly, I still have a lot to learn and maybe he does too.
We have been changing a few things here and there.
No longer I became the scary police who barked orders to my son when it comes to his school works – which by the way seems to be a lot harder than when I was in school around his age if I remember them correctly!
Strangely his behavior starts to change a little too by me relinquishing these tight control I had over him. I tell him to Skype his Dad for his Mandarin homework and his Dad was there to help me.
I am letting his Dad takes more control over the whole parenting thing and in a way that lifted some of these heavy burden I have been carrying on alone. Now, I can be mom, the source of comfort instead of just the sole disciplinarian in his life.
I honestly couldn’t do all this without the help of my amazing fiancé. He made me realize that I am definitely NOT alone that it is more than OKAY to seek for help. That I don’t need to carry all the responsibilities of raising our boy alone. He encourages me to involve my ex more.
Thank you, D! You are so amazing!
It took a splashy, wild ocean park ride to realize something about motherhood. We were in our own big round floaties going into this river look-alike ride yesterday. I helped him get into his floaties and the current started to pushed him further from me. I was behind him. The water wasn’t deep it was only up to my waist but I was scared…worried what if his floaties would capsized!
My throat felt dry as I saw him panicking a little…he must have sensed my fears I thought.
“Just hang on to your floaties…and relax!” I shout to him hoping the sounds of the water fountains and everything else wouldn’t stop him from hearing me out.
“Just relax…” I shout again but this time it was more like I was shouting to myself.
My heart was still racing but I tried to stay calm or else that boy in front of me would panic too. “Let go…“
That was my epiphany moment…that as a mother I can only prepare him, advising him but at the end, he will have to go out to the unknown by himself and yes, he may run into problems and I can only hope that my guidance can help him through whatever comes his way but I need to trust in the process…trust in himself that he will be just fine!
By allowing myself to just be in the moment, by trusting that my little boy will be fine and all he needs is love from those around him, I feel better. Lighter.
We ended up enjoying our day at the water park. We let go of all the worries and just soak up the fun.
How about you? Are you an overbearing or overprotective parent?