Blue Christmas

This will indeed be a lonely and hardest Christmas ever.

A couple of days ago I just found out that Mr. X will be picking our son up this Friday for Christmas. Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling lonely already? Who knows! All I know is I found the news hard to digest.

To be fair to the whole co-parenting Dos and Don’ts, yes the boy should spend Christmas with his father and his new family since I had him last Christmas which was the first Christmas after being separated. It’s only fair.

But I can’t deny this sadness inside me.

This will be my first Christmas as a divorcee and the first Christmas without my son. For the first time in 5 years I’ve been a mother, my son and I won’t be together during the most celebrated times of the year.

I can lament and vented out but I know this is part of the ‘deal’. Part of the bigger pictures of being divorced with children who shares custody. This supposes to be normal.

Tonight I read and connect a lot more with fellow single moms like myself who will not be with their children during Christmas, thanks to The Single Mommyhood post on this very same topic of co-parenting between the Holidays or if you can spend the Holiday together. Genuinely, I have newly found utmost respects to those parents who managed to come together and celebrating the Holiday with their exes – including the trailing new spouse/partner.

Personally, that is still a far far away dream for me. It would be way too awkward to be in the same room with the New Missus let alone to act joyful.  Even after two years, it still feel too raw to be within few meters away from her and wouldn’t my sensitive boy picked up on such vibes? I’m afraid I am just not fully there yet to forgive her, the woman who used to work with Mr. X in the same office, who knew he was married but went after him anyway then moved right in just a day after I moved out. Even talking about it still hurts. Although my own relationship with Mr. X has been somewhat normal and civilized, I don’t think I could be in the same room with them. I am just not ready yet.

Have yourself a Lonely Merry Christmas!

That’s a post title from a single dad blogger of Big City Dad, I just saw tonight and it strike a chord so deeply that I just have to write my own version.

Yes, the boy would only be ‘away’ for 3 days. Mr. X lives here too and I could always call him to say Merry Christmas. Yes, he will be with me and my big family for New Year’s Day.  He will be home on December 26 then we can open up his present including the one from Grandma sent all the way from Florida. There are single moms out there whose child(ren) are traveling halfway across the country to be with their dads. There are single moms out there who lives alone without their families to support them while they are feeling alone this Holiday seasons. It’s not the end of the world, I know that.

There’s a lump in my throat as I type this.

In a few years from now after I get used to this whole new co-parenting dynamics maybe things wouldn’t be this hard. Maybe I can actually be in the same room and smile genuinely to this woman.

Until then I shall stay close to my big obnoxious crazy family, soaking in their unspoken love and their never ending support to ease my loneliness and sadness. Am keeping all the other single parents who can’t be with their children on this Holiday seasons and sending them big virtual hugs and praying we will find peace somehow.

If you are a single parents, how do you manage the Holiday without your child(ren) when they are with your exes? Any tips for the rookie like myself?


Picture from: Dreamstime



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15 Comments on Blue Christmas

  1. Karenof4
    December 22, 2011 at 12:02 am (5 years ago)

    Big, huge, warm and fuzzy hugs to you!!! I know it won’t be easy this season, but I think you are right, with time, and with each passing year, it’ll be easier. Also, you can look at that woman and smile, she’s with a guy who doesn’t take the commitment of marriage seriously. You deserve a man who will not only treat you like a princess, but that will love and cherish commitment as much as you. You have a wonderful perspective and you have a loving family. I look at my parents and other older family members during Christmas and wonder when it’ll be the last Christmas with them. I know that’s probably a morbid focus, but it helps me to remember not to get caught up in the crazy, or to only think about the littles in my life, but to think of everyone I love and to enjoy them. *big hug* <3

  2. Dr. Leah at Singlemommyhood
    December 22, 2011 at 12:23 am (5 years ago)

    *whew* Your first Christmas as a divorced mama – without her son – does not lend itself to breezy advice. Right now, we’re all feeling a bit vulnerable – asking many of the same questions you ask.

    Having been privileged to speak with many singe parents facing their first holiday alone, I can only share what these wonderful moms and dads have told me: treat yourself well. Indulge. Eat what you crave. Read what intrigues you. Take a long walk – or stay in your night clothes all day. Don’t guilt yourself into thinking that this is a good time to clean out your closet or straighten up the kitchen. UGH! Do what feeds your soul.

    Sending you my very best. HUG!

  3. Saundra Rohn
    December 22, 2011 at 1:52 am (5 years ago)

    My, “daughter”, you always write from your heart. That’s what makes you so special and loved so much♥ May God give you His gift of peace during this celebration of His birth♥ I’m baking a Happy Birthday Jesus cake to show Alex.♥ Love you more every day!!! “Mom”

  4. Nami
    December 22, 2011 at 2:05 am (5 years ago)

    Your mom’s comment made me want to cry. Yes, girl, you still have a whole lotta hurt goin’ on and it shows. It’s best you wait until that storm subsides to even think about mixing it up lest you do something that wish your son had never witnessed. Maybe the resentment won’t ever go away – why should it? Betrayal is a tough thing to forgive. But with loving words from your mom like that…well, I’d say you got the whole world in your pocket! Jesus suffered so you don’t have to – isn’t that what they say? Go on, you can have a Merry Christmas, too.
    Nami recently posted..Pin Drop HeadMy Profile

  5. Natalie
    December 22, 2011 at 7:40 am (5 years ago)

    I remember my first Christmas without my kids after my separation…dropping the kids off to their dad’s was difficult, made more difficult by my parents being away as well. However, my extended family (aunts & cousins) made it a bit easier to bear by having me over for dinner to celebrate at their house.

    While it was hard watching the little kids open their gifts & play together, it cemented in my mind, the need to switch off for major holidays from then on. It allows me to mentally prepare myself for not having my kids every other Christmas & I can make other plans to take my mind away from things.

    I hope that this holiday isn’t too rough on you, but you’ll have a wonderful New Year’s celebration with them when they come home.

  6. Bicultural Mama
    December 22, 2011 at 8:43 am (5 years ago)

    I can’t imagine how hard it must be to think about not having your son with you this Christmas. Even if it’s part of the deal, you’re still entitled to your feelings and it all sucks. I know it’s not the same to be with him the day after because it’s not Christmas, but just know he loves you as does your family. The mistress will never replace you as a mom, and your son knows that.
    Bicultural Mama recently posted..Racism at Root of Pulled Ads from TLC Show “All-American Muslim”My Profile

  7. Coolbeansburrito
    December 22, 2011 at 9:02 am (5 years ago)

    “We will find peace somehow”

    You are right. We will. I think the being in the same room for the holidays is overrated honestly. I know it’s too late to change it now, but an advantage to living in the same city/area is you can split the days. I’m getting our son Christmas Eve & Morning and bringing him by early enough on Christmas Day so that he can have brunch with Mr. Ex’s family.

    I NEVER want to spend holidays in the same household unless it’s once my son is a grown man. I think it’s important to establish separate traditions for you and your child…new ones that are unique to just you and him. I very much think spending the holidays as “one big happy family” is overrated and not necessary if it makes you weary.

    Wishing you as happy of a holiday considering…

  8. Shell
    December 22, 2011 at 12:04 pm (5 years ago)

    Sending you hugs.

  9. Jessica
    December 23, 2011 at 1:00 am (5 years ago)

    I’m not a single parent but I did grow up with my parents divorced. We used to spend Christmas Eve and half of Christmas day with one parent and then go to the other parents house for the rest of Christmas day. The next year we would switch. As a child it was nice to visit both parents for the holiday but it was difficult to maintain tradition. I’m sorry that you are going through this and my only advice is to do what is best for your family.
    Jessica recently posted..Why I Will Be Staying Home For ChristmasMy Profile

  10. Janay
    December 23, 2011 at 4:45 pm (5 years ago)

    Yah know. I grew up with divorced parents, think its all i knew back then. The cool thing to us as kids is we had multiple christmas. I know it had to of been hard on my mom, especially the driving through four states. Today, the irony is we don’t celebrate on christmas. For us, christmas is just being together. We pick a date that is convenient for everyone’s schedule and celebrate that day. Its just the way we like it. My brothers love it cause their in-laws want to drag them all over the carolinas christmas week to see my nieces. Picking a day to be our family day for christmas is what they look forward to. Its their one day of peace 😀 and no crazy demanding family members.

    Maybe that could be an idea. Pick a day for the the year to celebrate with him. Make it your own special christmas 😀 Its just an idea, but at least its your special day with him and it doesn’t have to feel as shared.

  11. vanita
    December 23, 2011 at 5:16 pm (5 years ago)

    ah sugar, i feel your pain. there was a christmas waaay back when my teens were little, i was newly divorced and hubby actually wanted to spend time with them. i went out with girlfriends for christmas eve, came home drunk and passed out. the next morning though…it was the first christmas morning i ever woke up and no one was unwrapping gifts. i cried all morning in bed, cleaned house, cooked and just watched the clock until they came home. then the joy was there. watching them squeal in delight as they open their gifts. we ate, watched christmas movies and spent the next few days just having family time. i’m sorry you’re going through this. just hold on to the fact that he’ll be home soon and would had the joy of being with his dad and now he can be all yours again. love and hugs to you sugar.
    vanita recently posted..My 7 Link ChallengeMy Profile

  12. Caity
    December 26, 2011 at 6:14 pm (5 years ago)

    I’m sorry that you cannot be with your son at Christmas. I know it is hard to be away from family on such a day. It is not the same thing but I’m halfway across the world from my parents for the first time and it has been hard for me, too. It’s always hard being without family at the holidays. I hope you find a way to have a lovely holiday anyway. You deserve something wonderful for yourself and I hope you are able to give yourself something special. <3
    Caity recently posted..Christmas at TotaranuiMy Profile

  13. John
    December 26, 2011 at 8:14 pm (5 years ago)

    Hope you had a good Christmas Maureen. And hope your 26 December was even better with Al in tow.I’m really lucky this year, A whole month with my daughter!! woohoo!!!
    John recently posted..Minority languages at school is a good ideaMy Profile

  14. Erica
    December 27, 2011 at 11:27 am (5 years ago)

    Wow. This must have been so hard for you but as i write this, you’re probably cuddling on your little man back in your arms.
    Erica recently posted..Snow White Panties: Part 2My Profile

  15. Steph from Be Positive Mom
    December 31, 2011 at 12:58 pm (5 years ago)

    I realize Christmas day has passed…but I wanted to send you a big “virtual” hug after reading your post. So sorry it was a difficult holiday season. I hope you had lots of hugs following your son’s return 🙂
    Steph from Be Positive Mom recently posted..Add Some Pep To Your Step In The New YearMy Profile


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